Every book has an author and every love story has a writer. Some stories are written by people, and others were written from the very foundations of the world by One with a higher and much greater source of inspiration. Once upon a time, long, long ago, God, the Master Matchmaker, wrote my love story, and that is the story I would like to share with you!
~ Y ~
Heart’s Desire
I was almost 8-years-old when my family and I left our home in Rochester, New York, to go to Holland as independent Baptist missionaries. This November 7th it will be 14 years that we have been living in Holland. God has truly blessed a ministry that we thought would only last maybe 5 years. My siblings and I have always enjoyed helping our parents in the ministry and working together as a team. At age 21, I have spent two-thirds of my life in Holland. As my sister, brother, and I have entered our teens and become young adults, we have heard family and friends asking questions as to whether or not we would always live in Holland. Some thought my sister and I would marry Dutch men and stay in Holland. But that was not my heart’s desire.
For as long as I can remember my heart’s desire has been to marry a godly young man and have a family. A wife and joyful mother of children--that is all I have ever wished to be when I “grew up.” I had a few particulars as well. I wanted to marry an American. Living on the mission field, I was very adamant about that. I have always felt that my heart could not bond intimately with a man who did not share my first language and love for my homeland. There are other reasons that are important to me, but to save time I will not go there.
As a young girl, God also placed a strong and very unpopular belief in my heart. It is my personal opinion that a girl should remain under the care and protection of her father until she is married. Without being fully aware of making this decision, I determined that I would not leave my family until the day my dad gave me away to the young man of my dreams on my wedding day, placing me under the care and protection of my husband. Until that day, I have always felt it was God’s will for me, not to go off to college, which seems to be a trend these days, but to stay with my family and help in the ministry. As my high school days came to a close and it was time for me to start thinking about my future, people began putting pressure on me to go off to college in the States or get a job or something…anything other than what I felt the Lord wanted for me is what most people seemed to think was right. This only made my resolve that much stronger.
I honestly do not understand why we, as Christians, have allowed the world’s ideas to infiltrate our minds and way of thinking. The world says that it is a disdainful thing to be a wife and mother, when that is the very highest calling for a woman. Even in Christian circles people look at you funny when you say you want to be a homemaker. This is very wrong! Satan hates marriage and the family (seeing it was God’s very first institution), and Satan’s subjects have influenced God’s people to undermine the thing that is so very precious to Him. I do not believe God is pleased with such an attitude. Consider these verses found in God’s Word which pronounce the Lord’s richest blessings on keepers at home, motherhood, and the family…
“God setteth the solitary in families…” ~ Psalm 68:6
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” ~ Genesis 2:24
“He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.” ~ Psalm 113:9
“Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.” ~ Proverbs 17:6
“Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it… Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” ~ Psalm 127:1, 2-5
“Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD.” ~ Psalm 128:1-4
These are only a few verses about marriage, the family, and the home. As a young girl, it became my desire to marry a godly man, raise children who would love and serve the Lord, and build a house that would be a shelter in this cruel world--a home where the peace of God reigned. This was my heart’s desire.
~ Y ~
The Promise
The date was May 12, 2005. My family went downtown to run some errands and buy groceries for the week. I stayed home to wrap birthday gifts for Annika, a little friend of mine. I was all alone, having the entire house to myself. At 17, I was beginning to feel outside pressure from various individuals to make decisions regarding my future. I knew a young man was interested in me at the time, but I knew I could never marry him. Having quite a strong will, I knew that I needed someone with a stronger will than my own. I certainly didn’t want to be one of those pushy wives who keeps her husband’s spine in her purse. I also had my heart set on marrying an American. Surely, the Lord would give me my heart’s desire… As my hands were busy with colorful wrapping paper and ribbons, my mind was just as preoccupied, though not with the present, but with the enormous bleakness--the great unknown--of my future. A husband…Dutch or American…did I really have a choice? I was on the mission field, “stuck in the bubble,” as I half-teasingly, half-seriously joked. Holland might as well have been the moon. How would a godly American young man ever find me? How, how, HOW would I ever get married? My prospects looked bleak. I doubted God and His ability to accomplish what I thought to be absolutely out of the question. Feeling extremely overwhelmed, I began to pray, crying out to God. As I poured out my heart to Him, the entire house with filled with the sound of my sobs. Finally, the torrent of tears subsided, and, still, I softly spoke to the Lord. Suddenly, in the stillness of the house, I heard these soothing words, which melted every fear and doubt I had. “No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.” I was shocked to hear my own voice. I repeated the words, trying to make sense of what my own lips had just uttered. Where did that come from? Was that a verse in the Bible? Honestly, I could not remember ever memorizing such a verse or even reading it! I found my Bible and began searching through it. Sure enough--Psalm 84:11. “For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.” I just sat there in complete astonishment. I felt in the depths of my soul that the Lord had told me with that verse that He would grant me my heart’s desire--a husband, and an American husband at that. God had given me my answer--the promise.
“Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” ~ Psalm 37:4
“He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them.” ~ Psalm 145:19
~ Y ~
The Counterfeit
This is part of my story that I wish I did not have to tell. But, it is part of my past and a very real part of this story which would otherwise not be complete. Perhaps, if you are single, you can take this as a lesson, learn from my past experiences, and save yourself the heartache. That is the only good that could come from what I am about to tell you.
On March 16, 2005, I surrendered my life to the Lord after seeing one of my dearest and most respected friends turn back to the world, its filth, and empty offers. It hurt more than anything I had ever experienced that far into my life, and I vowed that by God’s grace I would never follow that course. This being the case, I was a prime target for Satan’s wrath. Certainly, my afternoon experience on May 12, 2005, was no secret with enemy forces. Birds of the air have a way of getting around. I had my promise--a godly, American young man. Satan wasted no time providing the counterfeit. After surrendering my all to Christ, I was about to encounter my first test of loyalty.
In August 2005 we had our annual street preaching conference. A young man who was planning to come to Holland as a missionary visited us for that week of meetings. I was attracted to him. He seemed like a godly young man who wanted to serve God. That is what I found the most impressive. And he was called to Holland! Could it get any better? The meeting over, that young man went home to the States, and that was that. In the meantime, I began to earnestly seek God’s face about His will regarding my future and a possible relationship. I was nearing my 18th birthday and eager to be married. All I got from God’s Word was confirmation that I was supposed to stay in Holland. That was all. When that young man came back into the picture around the time of my 18th birthday, I took the confirmation that I was supposed to be in Holland as a “yes” from God concerning a relationship with him. How foolish I was! Now I look back and cringe at the thought of the terrible mistake I almost made.
To make a long story short, we began courting in the spring of 2006. At first it was wonderful, but as time went on it seemed we were always having some problem or another. I tried to smooth it over, reminding myself of the occasional coincidental verse we would both read on the same day or some other sign that it was from God. What should have been so apparent--the fact that I was forcing something to be God’s will--was not apparent to me at all. I was fooling myself, but I truly believed I was walking in God’s perfect will. I almost fell for Satan’s counterfeit. The devil did a good job of making him look like the real thing, until God intervened on my behalf…
Our family went on furlough September 2006 through February 2007. In October we spent a week with him, and during that time the blinding scales fell off my parent’s and my eyes. A young man who put on a great front of being godly, respectful, and mature turned out to be very selfish, disrespectful, bitter, and rebellious. After 5 months of courting, our relationship was swiftly ended by my dad. How I thank God for his intervention!!!
I think I was in shock. Two days after it was all over, my parents took me to special meetings at my aunt’s church in the country. An evangelist and his wife were visiting the church. The evangelist’s wife got up and sang “People need the Lord.” I sat like a stone, showing no emotion. I couldn’t understand why I was even there. I did not want to be in that puny country church. Then the evangelist got up and preached a message…a message that was just for me. I don’t know if you have ever had that happen to you before, but it was quite amazing! He said he felt that a young person in the room was facing a terrible struggle and had reached the cross roads of decision. I was the only young person in that auditorium. He talked about the blinding storms we face in life--storms so fierce that we cannot see a foot ahead of us. Storms that would ruin us…but then God stills the storm and allows us to see the danger in which we were about to fall. I cried. I think my parents cried too. After the preaching the evangelist’s wife came over and spoke with me. She took me by the shoulders, and looking deeply into my eyes, told me everything I needed to hear…everything I already knew, but needed to be reminded of at that time of bewilderment, intense sorrow, and pain. My mom returned from the restroom, and, overhearing the conversation, asked if I had told the evangelist’s wife what I had just gone through. I hadn’t told her a thing. She knew nothing! And, yet, it was as though she knew it all and was sent as an angel of mercy to comfort me. The three of us sat down, and we told the lady what I had just gone through. She said that as she sang the special, she saw me and the battle raging inside. She also told me that her husband had a message all prepared for that evening service. Before the service started God told the evangelist that he would not be preaching the message he had prepared. He would be preaching something totally different. This was about an hour before the service was going to start, and it was about an hour before the service started that my parents decided for me that we would be attending the meeting. Perhaps you have heard that saying, “God works in mysterious ways.” Looking back now, it is amazing to see that God was in control all along…even when I thought He had forsaken me. How great is my debt to Him! I thank Him for how He used an evangelist and his sweet wife to ease my pain and encourage me along on the path God had chosen for me.
Let me also say that this was no small thing. This was a full-scale spiritual battle! My parents and I got home quite late that night after the meeting. Lydia and Josiah met us at the door with frightful stories. They had both been in bed at their normal time, like Dad had told them to before we left the house. While we were away, lights in the house began turning on and off, and it sounded like someone was rattling measuring cups in the kitchen. The night God showed up at an old country church was also the night the devil made his presence known in our home. As I said earlier, this was a spiritual attack. Satan was NOT happy, and he was not finished yet…
During the weeks that followed my emotions swung wildly from relief and thankfulness to bitterness and rebellion. That was a hard time for me! I could not believe that after so many years of loneliness on the mission field, God would dangle before me the man who I thought would be my best friend and future husband, only to yank him cruelly from my life. My heart was broken. I felt that God enjoyed tormenting me, laughing at my pain. He had betrayed my trust. If I couldn’t count on God, who could I count on? Bitterness, anger, and rebellion bubbled up inside. At home I spoke only when spoken to. I built a wall around myself, vainly attempting to shield my hurting heart from further injury, and, in the meantime, only injuring myself more in the process. My mom taught Sunday School to the teen girls one Sunday. She taught from Proverbs 23:26--“My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.” I sat through her teaching, inwardly bucking against everything she was saying. I was enjoying this pity party. I felt that God was unfair, and I wasn’t about to let Him forget it. After maybe a week of silent rebellion, my parents sat me down in our dining room and threatened to bring me to a Christian psychologist if I didn’t talk to them. I was being eaten away by bitterness. I finally opened up and sobbed out my hurt and anger towards God. My parents talked with me and then encouraged me to go pray and tell God that I was angry with Him. He knew anyway, so there was no use pretending. I knelt by Josiah’s bed and confessed everything. I felt like a new person after that! The Sunday that Mom had taught the teen girls, she had given each of us a little, colorful piece of notepaper and allowed us to choose a heart sticker. Then she asked us to write a promise that we would give God our hearts (Proverbs 23:26). I hadn’t done it. At the time I hadn’t cared to give God my heart; He had crushed it. I would never entrust it to Him again. Well, after I got things right with God, I did write on that little pink piece of paper. October 10, 2006. It is still in my old, worn out, pink Bible, right by that verse. I still had a long way to go, but it was a start….a good start!
“Thou, which hast shewed me great and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again, and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth.” ~ Psalm 71:20
“I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.” ~ Psalm 40:1-3
“The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.” ~ Psalm 37:23-24
“For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again...” ~ Proverbs 24:16
“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 3:13-14
Perhaps you remember a post I recently wrote entitled, “Counterfeit.” (Read HERE) I almost fell for a counterfeit. I almost got second best and a man who would have destroyed my life. That young man looked like the genuine thing--the husband God had promised me on May 12, 2005--but now that I compare him with the man God has placed in my life...well, let me just say that there is no comparison whatsoever. Truly, God brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock! Please, learn from my mistake and don’t make the same! Don’t settle for second best! It’s worth the wait to wait!!! Just wait and see, because my story isn’t quite finished yet! =)
~ Y ~
Waiting
I must confess that, after discovering how deceitful and conniving that guy had been with me, I was convinced that men were only out to hurt and destroy. Yes, my bitterness was gone, but I was still wary of males. Being in the ministry, I had seen too many good men fall, and I was extremely disheartened and distrusting of any male besides my dad, brother, and a few other men who I knew were trustworthy. Looking around at any eligible young men, I must say I was not impressed with the spiritual state and lacking dedication to the Lord that was quite apparent. It seems that too many young men these days are only boys in big bodies. Sports and cool cars are fun and okay, in their proper place, but at 20+ it is time to grow up, take responsibility, and show some spiritual maturity and leadership capabilities. I had no desire to marry a mama’s boy. A girl wants security. I think one of the most important things to a girl is a man who will not only say he loves her, but prove it to her by taking good care of her--and not only her physical needs, but her emotional and spiritual needs as well. I wanted a leader--a man whose love for the Lord would be apparent to everyone. I desired a man who would take my hand and draw me closer to the Lord as he drew closer to his God. Sadly, you don’t see this quality in too many young men these days. I believe it is a grave lack of character that causes so many young men to fall for the enticements of this world. Going from church to church with my family, the lack of commitment to the Lord, family and church, and the casual and carefree attitude between young men and young women left me feeling sick with sorrow. Even pastor’s sons! Even they were spotted by the world! I gave up. I felt that it was impossible to ever meet the kind of man I wanted to marry. Surely, he did not exist. Let me explain that I did not lose faith in God, but in man. The Potter is endowed with all knowledge and skill, but if the clay is unyielding, then the Potter is powerless to perform His work--transforming an undesirable lump of clay into a vessel of comeliness and honor. God can do anything, but if the one He desires to change is unwilling to be molded into the image the Potter has in mind…then there is no hope. God is a gentleman; He allows us to have our own will. If our will is unyielded to Him, then we make what is possible with God impossible. For this reason, I felt that my situation was beyond hope.
The Lord knew my heart. On December 18, 2006, God renewed His promise to me in Romans 11:4. “But what saith the answer of God unto him? I have reserved to myself seven thousand men, who have not bowed the knee to the image of Baal.” Perhaps you remember when Elijah was running for his life from the wicked Queen Jezebel. He hid in a mountain cave and begged God to end his life. He told God that all His other prophets had been killed, and he was the only one carrying out God’s commands, and now his life was being threatened. God put a quick end to Elijah’s pity party. He told Elijah to anoint Jehu as king and Elisha as prophet. Prophesying that these two men would fulfill God’s will (in other words, there were other godly men around), 1 Kings 19:18 was His response to Elijah’s whining. “Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him.” This similar verse is also found in Romans 11:1-4. To make a long story short, I was kind of being like Elijah--complaining to God that I was the only one in the world who wanted to serve Him and surely there was no one who was equal to me or worthy of me. (Ha!) God’s answer was Romans 11:4. He had promised me a husband on May 12, 2005. Though there appeared to be no young men who had not bowed and kissed the image of Baal (become spotted by the world), there were still godly men out there. I was to wait…and see the salvation of the Lord!
After several months on furlough, our family packed up and headed back to Holland, arriving home on March 1, 2007. It was a real adjustment, not only getting back into the daily routine of things, but for me emotionally. I was no longer being courted, which meant I had more empty hours on my hands. I plunged into the ministry, playing the piano at church, watching the kids in the nursery, and taking up new hobbies, like cross-stitching and blogging. I truly enjoyed that!
It was during this time that many young people I knew at our home church were getting married (the spring/summer of 2007 and 2008). It seemed like everyone was engaged, getting married, or already married, and I felt like I was being left in the dust. Every new marriage was a fresh reminder that I was off in a foreign country and left behind. That was the hardest thing…feeling left behind as I watched the lives of seemingly every other young person change while mine stayed the same. “Stuck in the bubble,” I felt that I was being held captive in a moment of time, watching the lives of others change, and yet, mine was not changing at all. Like a record player, stuck on one note and repeating itself over and over. Or like a treadmill, I felt I was always running, but going nowhere, whereas everyone else seemed to be advancing in life. It was painful, but I was determined not to quit.
I clung to my promise. I had to believe that God would fulfill His promise. He wasn’t a liar (and He sure isn’t now)! And so, I stubbornly held to the Lord and His sustaining Word, believing my husband would one day come. After the awful incident in the past, my parents and I were determined that, by God’s grace, that would never happen again!!! I would wait, and wait I did. I waited and waited. At times it might have been tempting to run off to college and find a husband. But I couldn’t. God wouldn’t let me leave. I was to stay in Holland--God’s orders. The story of Isaac and Rebekah was always special to me, but it became even more special as time went on. I reasoned that if God could bring Rebekah to Isaac, He could reverse the rolls and do the same for me! Whenever I doubted this, God spoke to me in the Bible, assuring me that He had not forgotten. Still, I was to wait.
I didn’t understand why, when I felt like I was ready for marriage, God was having me wait. I didn’t realize that during that year (2007) my future husband was struggling with God’s will for his future. It was a time that he later described to me as “getting kicked in the head” as he attempted to force a relationship that he thought he wanted to be God-approved. On January 19, 2008, two days before my 20th birthday, he quit pushing his will on God. I had surrendered; he had surrendered. We were both ready for the Lord to begin laying out the blueprint for the plan He had in mind. Little did Russell know, 2008 would be the year he met and fell in love with a girl he hardly even knew existed.
Looking back, I would say that the entire year of 2007 was a process of healing for me. The Lord restored my lost confidence in men and used this period of waiting to strengthen me in Him. Now, when I look back, I see that God had to bring me to that place--the end of myself. I believe God longs to bring each one of His children to this point…however, He knows that only a few chosen ones can endure the pressure of His molding hands and the heat of adversity. The Lord graciously allowed me to go through the crushing process of becoming broken to my own self, my own dreams, and my own desires so He could entrust me with Himself, and His dreams and His desires for me! He had to teach me to view my life--the “bubble sentence”--in a different light. Instead of deriving pleasure from the unattainable things outside the bubble (friendships, marriage, etc.), I had to learn to find my comfort and joy inside the bubble--in the Lord and His ever faithful presence! Once I passed this test, I would be ready to go to the next level: I would be ready for “Abraham’s servant” to arrive.
“Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.” ~ Jeremiah 33:3
“I lead in the way of righteousness, in the midst of the paths of judgment: That I may cause those that love me to inherit substance; and I will fill their treasures.” ~ Proverbs 8:20-21
I must confess that, after discovering how deceitful and conniving that guy had been with me, I was convinced that men were only out to hurt and destroy. Yes, my bitterness was gone, but I was still wary of males. Being in the ministry, I had seen too many good men fall, and I was extremely disheartened and distrusting of any male besides my dad, brother, and a few other men who I knew were trustworthy. Looking around at any eligible young men, I must say I was not impressed with the spiritual state and lacking dedication to the Lord that was quite apparent. It seems that too many young men these days are only boys in big bodies. Sports and cool cars are fun and okay, in their proper place, but at 20+ it is time to grow up, take responsibility, and show some spiritual maturity and leadership capabilities. I had no desire to marry a mama’s boy. A girl wants security. I think one of the most important things to a girl is a man who will not only say he loves her, but prove it to her by taking good care of her--and not only her physical needs, but her emotional and spiritual needs as well. I wanted a leader--a man whose love for the Lord would be apparent to everyone. I desired a man who would take my hand and draw me closer to the Lord as he drew closer to his God. Sadly, you don’t see this quality in too many young men these days. I believe it is a grave lack of character that causes so many young men to fall for the enticements of this world. Going from church to church with my family, the lack of commitment to the Lord, family and church, and the casual and carefree attitude between young men and young women left me feeling sick with sorrow. Even pastor’s sons! Even they were spotted by the world! I gave up. I felt that it was impossible to ever meet the kind of man I wanted to marry. Surely, he did not exist. Let me explain that I did not lose faith in God, but in man. The Potter is endowed with all knowledge and skill, but if the clay is unyielding, then the Potter is powerless to perform His work--transforming an undesirable lump of clay into a vessel of comeliness and honor. God can do anything, but if the one He desires to change is unwilling to be molded into the image the Potter has in mind…then there is no hope. God is a gentleman; He allows us to have our own will. If our will is unyielded to Him, then we make what is possible with God impossible. For this reason, I felt that my situation was beyond hope.
The Lord knew my heart. On December 18, 2006, God renewed His promise to me in Romans 11:4. “But what saith the answer of God unto him? I have reserved to myself seven thousand men, who have not bowed the knee to the image of Baal.” Perhaps you remember when Elijah was running for his life from the wicked Queen Jezebel. He hid in a mountain cave and begged God to end his life. He told God that all His other prophets had been killed, and he was the only one carrying out God’s commands, and now his life was being threatened. God put a quick end to Elijah’s pity party. He told Elijah to anoint Jehu as king and Elisha as prophet. Prophesying that these two men would fulfill God’s will (in other words, there were other godly men around), 1 Kings 19:18 was His response to Elijah’s whining. “Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him.” This similar verse is also found in Romans 11:1-4. To make a long story short, I was kind of being like Elijah--complaining to God that I was the only one in the world who wanted to serve Him and surely there was no one who was equal to me or worthy of me. (Ha!) God’s answer was Romans 11:4. He had promised me a husband on May 12, 2005. Though there appeared to be no young men who had not bowed and kissed the image of Baal (become spotted by the world), there were still godly men out there. I was to wait…and see the salvation of the Lord!
After several months on furlough, our family packed up and headed back to Holland, arriving home on March 1, 2007. It was a real adjustment, not only getting back into the daily routine of things, but for me emotionally. I was no longer being courted, which meant I had more empty hours on my hands. I plunged into the ministry, playing the piano at church, watching the kids in the nursery, and taking up new hobbies, like cross-stitching and blogging. I truly enjoyed that!
It was during this time that many young people I knew at our home church were getting married (the spring/summer of 2007 and 2008). It seemed like everyone was engaged, getting married, or already married, and I felt like I was being left in the dust. Every new marriage was a fresh reminder that I was off in a foreign country and left behind. That was the hardest thing…feeling left behind as I watched the lives of seemingly every other young person change while mine stayed the same. “Stuck in the bubble,” I felt that I was being held captive in a moment of time, watching the lives of others change, and yet, mine was not changing at all. Like a record player, stuck on one note and repeating itself over and over. Or like a treadmill, I felt I was always running, but going nowhere, whereas everyone else seemed to be advancing in life. It was painful, but I was determined not to quit.
I clung to my promise. I had to believe that God would fulfill His promise. He wasn’t a liar (and He sure isn’t now)! And so, I stubbornly held to the Lord and His sustaining Word, believing my husband would one day come. After the awful incident in the past, my parents and I were determined that, by God’s grace, that would never happen again!!! I would wait, and wait I did. I waited and waited. At times it might have been tempting to run off to college and find a husband. But I couldn’t. God wouldn’t let me leave. I was to stay in Holland--God’s orders. The story of Isaac and Rebekah was always special to me, but it became even more special as time went on. I reasoned that if God could bring Rebekah to Isaac, He could reverse the rolls and do the same for me! Whenever I doubted this, God spoke to me in the Bible, assuring me that He had not forgotten. Still, I was to wait.
I didn’t understand why, when I felt like I was ready for marriage, God was having me wait. I didn’t realize that during that year (2007) my future husband was struggling with God’s will for his future. It was a time that he later described to me as “getting kicked in the head” as he attempted to force a relationship that he thought he wanted to be God-approved. On January 19, 2008, two days before my 20th birthday, he quit pushing his will on God. I had surrendered; he had surrendered. We were both ready for the Lord to begin laying out the blueprint for the plan He had in mind. Little did Russell know, 2008 would be the year he met and fell in love with a girl he hardly even knew existed.
Looking back, I would say that the entire year of 2007 was a process of healing for me. The Lord restored my lost confidence in men and used this period of waiting to strengthen me in Him. Now, when I look back, I see that God had to bring me to that place--the end of myself. I believe God longs to bring each one of His children to this point…however, He knows that only a few chosen ones can endure the pressure of His molding hands and the heat of adversity. The Lord graciously allowed me to go through the crushing process of becoming broken to my own self, my own dreams, and my own desires so He could entrust me with Himself, and His dreams and His desires for me! He had to teach me to view my life--the “bubble sentence”--in a different light. Instead of deriving pleasure from the unattainable things outside the bubble (friendships, marriage, etc.), I had to learn to find my comfort and joy inside the bubble--in the Lord and His ever faithful presence! Once I passed this test, I would be ready to go to the next level: I would be ready for “Abraham’s servant” to arrive.
“Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.” ~ Jeremiah 33:3
“I lead in the way of righteousness, in the midst of the paths of judgment: That I may cause those that love me to inherit substance; and I will fill their treasures.” ~ Proverbs 8:20-21
~ Y ~
Abraham’s Servant
I turned 20 on January 21, 2008. My parents gave me a beautiful painting of a girl standing on the beach in the last rays of the setting sun, gazing out at the sparkling sea. We called it my “waiting painting.” Little did I know that the months of my waiting were in the last stage, and I was about to trade one kind of waiting for another.
It was during this time that my dad was praying about my future. Several months after the fact, I was told that one day my dad was walking and praying in the fields not far from our house. He stopped to rest on a park bench and began praying earnestly about a husband for me. As he studied the ground under his feet, his eyes rested on a little pebble. In his heart, Dad felt that God had said, “Getting a husband for Hannah is as easy as picking up that tiny pebble and moving it. It is just that easy for Me.” And it was true, for though we were unaware of it as yet, God was in the process of bringing “Abraham’s servant” from Panama City, Florida, across the great expanse of the Atlantic Ocean to the bustling city of Amsterdam, The Netherlands.
On April 17, 2008, Bro. Buddy Maynard, pastor of Truth Baptist Church and founder of Heritage Boys Academy, came to visit the Huussen family before flying on home to the States after a missions trip to the Congo. It was only supposed to be a 2-day layover, which God extended to a 4-day layover. None of us knew that the fellowship, laughter, and love we mutually shared and enjoyed would soon blossom into something even more beautiful in the future; for though Bro. Buddy was not searching for a wife for his son, as Abraham’s servant was in Genesis 24, God had planned it out in a similar way. As Eliezer, Abraham’s servant, said in Genesis 24:27, “I being in the way, the LORD led me to the house of my master’s brethren.”
The most beautiful thing about walking in God’s will is that you don’t have to scheme and connive to get what you want. Everything you desire (that the Lord wishes for you to have) will simply fall into your lap as you travel along the path God has planned for you. What is so amazing is that while we were going about our daily business, simply doing what the Lord wanted and being where He wanted, we were unknowingly setting the stage where God was about to play out a real-life performance of the love story script He had written before either Russell or I were even born.
Looking back now, I see how God was bringing our two families together even in our early years. I remember hearing the names “Buddy and Chris Maynard” occasionally during prayer or just in daily conversation as I grew up. Bro. Buddy and my dad were on deputation around the same time, having met at Word for the World. They later met again at our home church, Southeast Bible Baptist, where Bro. Buddy was presenting his ministry. Dad felt God moving him to support Bro. Buddy’s boys’ home, and several years later Bro. Buddy’s church took our family on for support. During those years our families had some contact due to the ministry, and my dad encouraged the Maynards through a severe time of difficulty. During the first years of our ministry in Holland and our hour-long Sunday morning drives to our first church out in the Dutch countryside, our family often listened to the Maynard family sing. We owned one of their cassette tapes, and our kids’ favorite song was the Superman Song. As my siblings and I played with Duplo blocks and Playmobil I can clearly remember listening to that song. My, did we enjoy that! So, you see, we already knew of the Maynard family for a good many years.
During our visit with Bro. Buddy we were amazed to discover how much we had in common. Bro. Buddy and Dad were both in the Air Force. Bro. Buddy & Mrs. Chris and my parents were both married in the month of May. Both our family’s ministries were started in 1995. We believe the same on important, foundational issues that many Christians are weak on today. And then there were the less important things. As we sat down to the breakfast I had made the morning Bro. Buddy arrived, he looked at his plate really funny, lifting it and studying it. I was afraid something was wrong. Then a little later on he told us that Mrs. Chris has the exact same Corelle Ware dish pattern that Mom has! Bro. Buddy and Dad both wear caps when they have a bad hair morning. (chuckle) Mrs. Chris and Mom both have health problems, keep a basket of herbs on top of the fridge, and have apple kitchens. There were so many other similarities that it was odd. You would think we were related or something. In fact, many of our church people got Bro. Buddy and my dad confused, because from a distance they look so much alike. Several people actually thought they were brothers.
Perhaps it is sufficient to say that Bro. Buddy said he walked into our house and felt like he was home. What I find rather funny is that that is exactly how we felt about him. I usually don’t like having “strangers” in our house, but Bro. Buddy fit in like another family member. I have never had that happen before. The 4 days that he was here all we did was talk and talk and talk and laugh. If you’re a missionary who is starved for fellowship, then you understand that we had a feast that was far more satisfying than physical food! The fellowship we shared was amazing! It felt like a little bit of Heaven had descended and temporarily entered our world. See these posts I wrote about Bro. Buddy’s visit (HERE) for part 1 and (HERE) for part 2.
During his visit, Bro. Buddy talked about many things of interest and value, but you could tell that his family was dearest to his heart. Mrs. Chris, Russell (18), Clay (17), and Aaron (15) sure sounded special the way Bro. Buddy talked about them. Yes, he bragged, but he didn’t hide their shortcomings from us either. That is what I liked so much--Bro. Buddy didn’t make his sons out to be saints. The fact that we got a clear picture of the positive and the negative was attractive. In fact, Bro. Buddy told us things about his boys that probably would have made them cringe--like saying they were messy and needed a good wife to keep them in line. (chuckle) But we knew that their dad loved them. To be honest, Bro. Buddy’s sons, if anything like their dad or their dad’s description, sounded like one of them could be the type of man I wanted to marry--good, decent, and godly boys. He made me curious. Curious to know these boys who seemed almost superhuman to a girl who was sadly disappointed by the male population.
Bro. Buddy left our house after breakfast on April 21, 2008. I wrote in my journal, “I wonder if he [Bro. Buddy] will ever be back. He’s talked about it. I feel like I’ve lost a good friend.” It was very sad to see him go home, but we understood. He missed his family terribly. Though Bro. Buddy talked about bringing them back to see us, I wouldn’t allow myself to dwell on it. It sounded too good to be true. I silently resigned myself to the fact that we would never meet again this side of Heaven. But the Lord had other ideas. Walking along in God’s will, we were unknowingly fulfilling His perfect plan. Another very special visit was to take place in the month of October.
~ Y ~
An October Visit
Bro. Buddy went home, and he and his family were a wonderful new topic of conversation in the Huussen household. We reminisced every moment we spent together. What a blessing it was! I remember reading Bro. Buddy’s January-March prayer letter before he arrived here. After he left we got on the Internet and found the website of the boys’ home and church. I believe it was at that time, while looking at their family picture, that I noticed Russell in particular. Having received a full report from Bro. Buddy about his family, I observed something different about that young man. I saw a “Matthew” there. Let me explain…
During 2007, my year of waiting, my mom often came to me with stories of other people’s courtships. One story she told me was about a girl who decided to give her unknown future husband a name so that when she prayed for him she wouldn’t just have to pray for “whoever my future husband is.” I thought that was a neat idea, so I decided to give my future husband a name as well. The name I chose was “Matthew.” Several months later I looked up the meaning of the name Matthew. Interestingly enough, Matthew means “Gift of God.” In the future this would inspire a post entitled “The Gift.” (Read HERE) Perhaps this will explain who “the gift” is in the story!
As I said, Bro. Buddy left and we looked up more info about his family on the Internet. I looked at Russell’s picture, and I saw a “Matthew” there. Somehow I knew that we could be best friends, and I knew I could be very attracted to him. Don’t ask me to explain it. I can’t! All I know is that something told me that young man was very special. While Bro. Buddy was visiting I remembered barely being able to hear Russell’s mature, calm voice as he spoke with his dad on the phone. I heard the respectful “Yes, sir,” and noticed that Bro. Buddy and Russell exchanged expressions of love, father to son--something you don’t hear too often these days. That always stayed with me. Somehow Bro. Buddy’s description of his son matched the person I saw in that picture. It could only have been God, because the man I saw in that picture is the man I know and love today.
While we are on the subject of pictures, let me mention this. Every 2-3 years we have a new prayer card picture taken. In 2004 we put out a new prayer card. Dad sent them out to our supporting churches and pastor’s families. The Maynards received theirs in the mail and put it on the fridge in their kitchen. One day during breakfast Mrs. Chris looked at the picture and commented to Bro. Buddy, “Those girls have a good countenance.” Russell, Clay, and Aaron all testify to the fact that their mom said that to all of them…more than once. And so it was just pictures that planted a seed of thought in our minds, but I guess since God could make the world out of nothing, He could certainly use this unusual method to put an idea into the hearts of two families on two different continents who were seeking God’s perfect will. We should never underestimate God’s power or the manner in which He chooses to accomplish His plan.
The day after Bro. Buddy went home, Mom and I had a brief conversation. This is my journal entry from that day--April 22, 2008. “Mom said it sounds to her like Russell is sweet. I definitely got that impression too. She said it’s a good thing the two of us haven’t met. I told her she doesn’t have to worry about that. I have to admit it sounds like the two of us would hit it off.” If only we knew how true that would be…
My mom and Mrs. Chris began writing each other shortly after Bro. Buddy went home. Then Mrs. Chris started writing Lydia and me in May. We enjoyed our email communication with her very much! At some point during this time Bro. Buddy got a skype account. Then Russell got his own account. Unbeknownst to any of us, Russell began praying about me on May 14, 2008--his parent’s 20th wedding anniversary.
On the morning of June 9, 2008, my family finally let me in on a big secret. The Maynards were coming to visit us!!! Lydia and Josiah already knew for about a month. For some reason I am always the last one to find out about these things. I was very excited. I never thought Bro. Buddy would truly be able to bring his family to Europe. I kept noticing that Mom said odd things like, “When the Maynards come…” Then she would stop herself. Then Mrs. Chris wrote something like “we will fit in just fine” in response to some pictures I sent her of the house. That day, after my family spilled the beans, I wrote in my journal, “Everyone went downstairs, and I got down by my bed, asking the Lord to help me. I want to have things in the right perspective--according to His will.”
On July 21, 2008, we had our first Huussen-Maynard family call over skype. It was so much fun! During the next few months we kept in contact with each other, though not regularly, seeing as both our families were kept busy with the ministry. The boys, especially Russell, had contact with Josiah. Every once in a while I would peek into Josiah’s room and say hello, but, knowing that my feelings for Russell could grow, I kept my distance. My parents, who know me almost better than I know myself, knew that I could be attracted to Russell without me ever telling them. The day after they told me the Maynards were coming to visit, Mom and Dad sat me down and gave me a stern talking to. I was very careful!!! On July 24, 2008, I wrote the following in my journal in regard to Russell and a possible relationship: “I don’t want to force God’s will in anything. If anything is God’s will, I’m going to make it hard!!!” After my past mistake, I was determined to make it difficult for God to convince me, so I would be sure it was Him and not me! On August 1, 2008, Bro. Buddy confirmed that the Maynard family would be going on a trip to Amsterdam, and Russell told his parents he was praying about me. This came as no surprise to them.
The Maynards arrived in Holland on October 14, 2008, and stayed with us through October 20. The first 2-3 hours were a little uncomfortable, but soon all six of us kids were talking, laughing, and playing games like Dutch Blitz, Pit, and Taboo. It felt like we had known each other all our lives. Each day we awoke early and stayed up as late as possible, savoring every moment of fellowship. Besides playing games and fellowshipping a lot, we played our instruments and sang together. Our parents encouraged us to practice a few songs for Sunday. During that week Russell, Clay, Aaron, Lydia, Josiah and I discovered we were the best of friends. All six of us grew up in the ministry, working side-by-side with our parents. Being raised in very separated Christian homes, we felt keen loneliness, even when surrounded by kids our age. The standards, beliefs, and ideas of the Maynards and the Huussens were the same--not something you find very often in this lax age of Christianity. Our fellowship was so very sweet. Because of the ministry our families were familiar with each other and had minimal contact down through the years, but as we got to know each other better during that week, we soon realized that we could have been so much closer during the time that both our families struggled to establish new ministries. The more we talked and realized how well our families got along, the stronger became the mutual feeling of “Where have you been all these years???” It did seem strange that the Lord would keep us on separate paths up until that point, but now, looking back, we see that it would not have been in God’s timing for us to have met earlier. Everything had to go according to His plan, because He had a very specific purpose for bringing our families together at that time…the right time!
See journal posts written each day of that October visit with the Maynard family:
Maynards Visit ~ Day 1 (HERE)
Maynards Visit ~ Day 2 (HERE)
Maynards Visit ~ Day 3 (HERE)
Maynards Visit ~ Day 4 (HERE)
Maynards Visit ~ Day 5 (HERE)
Maynards Visit ~ Day 6 (HERE)
Maynards Visit ~ Day 7 (HERE)
On October 15, 2008, the day after the Maynards arrived, I graduated from high school with 48 credits. It’s a long story. Mrs. Chris knows a lot about A.C.E. school because of the academy. While she was here she checked my school records and informed me that I could have graduated long ago. Various people kept telling me I had to do more and more school work, so that is what I did, not realizing that I had more than enough credits to graduate. That news made me feel very good! Before the Maynards came to visit us, Mrs. Chris wrote my mom and insisted that they have a graduation ceremony for me. Mrs. Chris arranged for me to get my certificate through Heritage Christian Academy, and she brought me a cap and gown for graduation. That Wednesday night, October 15, 2008, I graduated. It was very nice to have the Maynards there for my special day. Russell, Clay, and Aaron sang, and I read my graduation poem. (Read HERE) Months later Russell told me he was choked up as I read that poem. He was already praying about a future with me, though I didn’t know it at the time, and I guess hearing that poem stirred something inside him. When I recently asked Russell why he got choked up, he replied, “I did not think a girl like you existed.” Well, for that matter, I didn’t think a guy like him existed! I didn’t look at him while I read my poem; I couldn’t. (I actually had it memorized, but had the paper there just in case.) I knew that, if my eyes met Russell’s, every other thought would vanish from my mind. Russell recently told me he noticed I looked at everyone but him, and he kinda wished I had. It was for the best, because Russell said that if I had looked at him, he might have started thinking things. Unaware of it, God was leading each one of us to act and respond in a way that would continue to keep us walking according to God’s timeline. Russell and Clay preached my graduation. I always thought it would be special for my future husband to attend my important day. I never dreamed he would actually preach my graduation. I will never forget it. Russell preached from 1 Samuel 3:3--only six chapters from the verse God would soon use to tell me Russell was to be my future husband.
~ Y ~
Life Goes On
The Maynards left on October 20, 2008, after a tearful goodbye at the airport. We talked about visits in the future, but they seemed too far away to even think about or dare hope for. During our week-long visit, the feelings I believed I could have for Russell became even more apparent to me. There were times when both our families were sitting around in the living room, relaxing and talking, when Russell and I caught each other’s eye. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. Little did I know that his attraction to me was just as real as my attraction to him. He would go to sleep on our couch at night, preaching at himself about backing off, because he was afraid I would notice his feelings for me. Had I known, I would have told Russell he was doing an excellent job. In a desperate attempt to hide what he was thinking and feeling from me, he overcompensated and I thought he was interested in Lydia. Needless to say, that made me a little jealous. During the last several days of their visit, and even after the Maynards went home, I worked hard at suppressing my inclination to turn green. The day after the Maynards went home, God told me in Psalm 37 that I shouldn’t be jealous and He was in control. All I had to do was rest in Him.
Russell left me several comments on my blog before their family came to Holland; he didn’t leave comments on any other girl’s blog. Had I been thinking clearly, I might have realized that having him bring me two Janette Oke books when they visited and tell me I was a blessing during that visit meant something. There were other things too. At my graduation I had been standing in the back kitchen, waiting to walk down the aisle and get my diploma. Russell walked by the kitchen, heading to the front to play the guitar. I smiled at him as he passed by. I remember how he just looked at me…and looked at me…and looked at me. I thought he was strange but kept smiling anyway. He was so intently looking at my face that he wasn’t paying any attention to where he was walking. He tripped and almost fell. Poor guy! I tried to pretend I hadn’t noticed. I recently asked Russell what he was thinking when he was staring at me like that. This is exactly what he wrote to me: “I was thinking, ‘Wow! God! Is she really the one you want me to pray about? Man, she is beautiful!’ I was saying, ‘God, you sure do know how to pick them out, don't you?’” Isn’t that sweet? How well Russell hid his feelings! We both learned from our past mistakes--believing a relationship was God’s will only to discover that it wasn’t. I am so thankful for Russell’s discretion. He protected himself by keeping his emotions in check, but he also protected me by making sure he did not give me any wrong signals before he had a definite answer from the Lord. It wasn’t God’s time yet. I still needed to battle with my feelings. It was good. God knew exactly what He was doing.
Russell and I weren’t the only ones struggling. Even before the Maynard family came to visit, Mom had some ideas about Russell and me. She could see us together. After the whole family came over, she felt that she had even more reason to believe that we belonged together. Mom wisely kept her opinion to herself, figuring that God was powerful enough to take care of the situation if it was His will. However, ideas about the two of us continually came to her mind. She would try to dispose of the whole notion by reasoning that Russell was too young. 1Timothy 4:12 is one of Russell’s favorite verses. “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” Can you guess what verse was written in Russell’s skype balloon every time Mom started thinking something and then decided that it wouldn’t work because Russell was “too young”? 1Timothy 4:12--“Let no man despise thy youth.” Russell was being used of the Lord to convey a message to Mom without his even knowing she was thinking about him as a possibility for me. Actually, Russell was struggling with the same issue himself, but the Lord gave him Jeremiah 1:7. Age is not an issue with God. “…Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature [or on his age]…for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.” (1Samuel 16:7)
After the Maynards went home, we all came to the conclusion that Saturdays worked out the best for our families, so that became our official day to do a skype call. The relationship of the six of us kids continued to thrive as we talked every Saturday. Those times were precious. We spent many hours laughing and teasing, but our conversations were also serious as we discussed our Bible reading and thoughts about spiritual things. Those conversations were the best ever!!!
I have to say that I was rarely myself when we were having contact with the Maynard boys. I knew I could fall for Russell in a second, so I built a wall around myself. I do occasionally get in a joking/teasing mood, but as a general rule I am more quiet and serious-minded. During the skype calls and chats, before and especially after their visit, I was just not “me.” In an attempt to protect myself, I teased Russell, pestered him into oblivion, and was sometimes downright nasty to him. For a while I even had my siblings convinced that I couldn’t stand Russell. That was the only way I knew to keep that young man at arm’s length. Still, he was a glutton for punishment and always came back for more. Russell sure put up with a lot from me. After my past mistake, I was stubbornly set on never doing the same thing twice.
The Maynards returned to Florida, and 8 days later Russell started a blog. This should have been another clue, but for some reason I just didn’t take it as one. Meanwhile, God confirmed to Russell on November 7, 2008, in Psalm 143:10, that I was his future wife. Interestingly, that day marked our 13-year anniversary on the mission field. The Maynards now had definite proof for a strange inclination they had had for several years--that a Maynard boy was going to marry a Huussen girl. Russell had so much confidence in what the Lord had told him that, as a step of faith, he opened a bank account in my name and began adding money to it regularly.
During the last weeks of October and the month of November not much changed. Life seemed to go on as usual, but there was something brewing under the surface, especially nearing the end of November. My feelings for Russell swung wildly from fighting strong feelings of attraction to utter irritation because Russell could seemingly never be serious. On November 11, 2008, I wrote in my journal: “Russell is annoying, and he bugs me, but I still like him, and for the life of me I don’t know why! =D” I continually tried to downplay my feelings, even in my journal, never really wanting to admit how I truly felt.
On November 16, 2008, we joined in on a Truth Baptist Church service for the first time via skype. It was a blessing, and that was the start of something new! With our families both being very involved in the ministry, our bond grew stronger as we “went to church” together. There is something about being in the house of God that automatically strengthens heart ties. Truly, God was good to us! It seemed that our Saturday conversations with the Maynard boys became even more centered around spiritual things. Proverbs 27:17--“Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend”--became a reality as we sharpened each other’s “iron” by discussing the good counsel of God’s Word. On November 22, 2008, we were discussing a saying I have had for years about feeling “stuck in the bubble” while talking about God’s will and our futures. Russell said something that pierced my heart. He calmly mentioned that 90% of God’s will is timing. I didn’t realize how close those words were to Russell’s heart as he held his feelings in check, while knowing that I was God’s will for his life, but it was not the right time to start a relationship. We were quiet for a few seconds, each thinking our own personal thoughts. Later on I wrote this entry in my journal: “They [the Maynard boys] inspire me to draw closer to Christ. They point out things I’ve never seen or thought of before. I can build up on them. That’s the way friends ought to be. They encourage me in the Lord. My heart is exceedingly thankful to God for them! I see so many of the qualities I desire in my future husband in them. I want to marry a man who will inspire me to love Christ more. Lord, guard my heart! I will abide in the bubble of Your will, only help me to be patient for Your timing.” It was our mutual love for the Lord that was beginning to blossom into a different kind of love.
On November 27, 2008, the nurse joke was born when Russell sprained his ankle…again! For several months that became a reoccurring problem that aroused the little worrier in me. I told Russell I thought he should marry a nurse, volunteered to arrange interviews to find a nurse/wife for him, and then proceeded to tease him until he was beet red from blushing. The poor guy! I had so much fun at his expense. (Ha!) I was chatting with Mrs. Chris on November 29, 2008, when Russell came in the house and began chatting with me in her place since she was on the phone. After a brief conversation he said he “had to run,” and “maybe we can talk later on today, so I don’t hurt myself in football!” I asked if he was going to play on his hurt foot again, like he had done earlier after telling us he wouldn’t. Then I began to ridicule him for his disobedience. (chuckle) His response was “I was thinking about it. But if I have a distraction I won’t.” In other words, he was threatening that he would play football, which he knew would upset me, if we didn’t talk to him later on. What a manipulator! (Ha!) At this point I was beginning to get some signals!
~ Y ~
A Significant Struggle
December was a month of significant struggle for me. The feelings for Russell that I had been suppressing all along were becoming harder and harder to contain. What also made it harder is that I was beginning to think that perhaps Russell shared my feelings. Besides the fact that he used my name more often, there was a subtle, undefinable difference that I could not understand and did not want to understand. I did not realize at this point that Russell knew I was going to be his wife. I was also unaware of the fact that on December 11, 2008, Russell and Bro. Buddy had contacted my dad, informing him that Russell was praying about me and a future for the two of us. It was also during this time that a young man in our church, who had asked about me as a 17-year-old girl, came to my dad once again. Another young man in our church approached my dad and asked about me. Then a young man I met during a conference in Scotland, who had asked my dad if he could write me and had kindly been told no, suddenly sent me an email without my father’s permission. I was not totally aware of everything that was going on, but my mom thought it was rather interesting that, just as “Mr. Right” was making his intentions known, so were three other young men.
Though I loved the Maynard boys equally, in the month of December I started to notice that my love for the Maynard boys as a whole and my love for one of them in particular was beginning to change. Russell came to my mind more and more often. At times I thought I noticed that he was treating me differently than he had before. I don’t know how many sermons I preached to myself. “Hannah, just stop! You’re probably just imagining it because that is how you want it to be. It didn’t mean a thing. Put it out of your mind!!!” I wouldn’t allow myself to entertain ideas for which I had no solid proof. A battle raged within me as I struggled against my feelings. On December 1, 2008, I wrote this entry in my journal: “I knelt down on the apple rug in front of the kitchen sink and prayed. I’ve recently come to realize that my feelings for Russell go deeper than just a brotherly/sisterly friendship. I hate to admit that. I don’t want to start thinking something. I want God’s will!!!! Not the will of Hannah Huussen. In many ways Russell is what I’ve dreamed of in a husband. He even looks like how I pictured “Matt”--tall, solid and strong, the dark hair. Still, I don’t know that it is God’s will, and I don’t know that he feels anything serious. It’s more likely that he doesn’t than that he does. I need to be careful. I need to trust God and wait and rest patiently and trust Him. God help me!!! God, help me! I’m struggling.” In an entry on December 2, 2008, I wrote, “Let me just say that whoever marries the Maynard boys will be blessed indeed. I shouldn’t even dare to hope… It would be too good, too heavenly, to be true. I’m just glad to know there are still godly young men around.”
Nearing the middle of December, Russell had known that I was his future wife for more than a month. By December 13, 2008, he was beginning to get concerned and wondered if God would tell me something about him being my future husband. He prayed, and God gave him assurance from His Word that everything would be taken care of. That very morning God gave me Luke 1:45. “And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord.” For some reason that verse seemed to mean something…I felt that God was trying to tell me something, but I just didn’t know what it was. That verse was precious to me somehow. Over the next few days God would often bring that verse to my mind when I questioned God’s ways, my growing feelings for Russell, and the future. Perhaps you can see the struggle I was having in the post I wrote, called “Mary’s Miracle.” (Read HERE) Now, looking back, I realize what the Lord was doing. That verse was a taste of what was to come. Perhaps I did not fully comprehend its meaning because, as I had written on July 24, 2008, if Russell was God’s will for my life, I was going to make it difficult for God to convince me so I would be sure it was Him and not me! Even in my stubbornness, everything was going according to God’s plan. Blessed is she that believed God and took Him at His word on May 12, 2005, for soon there would be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord…
December 14, 2008, was a Sunday. Our morning service over, we attended the morning service at Truth Baptist Church. (Holland is 7 hours/time zones ahead of Panama City, FL.) The Maynards believe, like we do, that when seeking a mate, a person should pray and get God’s answer from God’s book--the Bible. That Sunday Bro. Buddy was on a rabbit trail when he mentioned something that puzzled me. He said Russell had come to him, showed him a verse, and asked him to pray about something. This was said in the context of relationships. Months later Russell told me what verse it was--Ecclesiastes 9:9. “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity.” Russell explained to me, “I already knew you were the one. I was just showing Dad!” Bro. Buddy’s response was, “Yep, I know!” Well, having heard that Russell approached his dad about a verse caused my mind to start going. I didn’t know what to think about that. The Internet connection got bad just then, and we couldn’t hear the preaching (that seemingly always happens at the most inopportune times). My mind went back to a few days earlier when the subject had casually come up about Russell having talked with my dad. I was surprised about that, and I think my heart skipped a beat. Something deep inside me wished that Russell had asked Dad about me. That night, before going to bed, I decided to write something in my journal that I had never dared to write before. “I could, if it was God’s will, I could love Russell. He is everything and more that I could wish for in a husband.” Then followed a whole list of the things I admire about him. The most important thing that attracted me to Russell was his love and devotion to the Lord. I also didn’t mind (chuckle) the fact that he was a preacher, very handsome, strong, talented, tough and yet gentle and kind, and an encourager (just like my dad--I need that). Need I go on? I think you get the picture... I concluded, “So, here, on Sunday, December 14, 2008, I am officially declaring something that has been growing tenderly, slowly, in my heart. I am committing these thoughts and feelings I could have for Russell to the Lord. I trust God. He knows best. If Russell isn’t God’s will for me, then I don’t want him. But if he is God’s will, then I would readily agree to enter a more serious relationship with him. Lord, help me to guard my heart!!!! Lord, I surrender my will!!!”
I fully believed that that solemn prayer and entry in my journal would put an end to anything I felt for Russell. It had just the opposite effect. Instead of the subject being dropped, it seemed that all God did was speak to me. I guess I didn’t want to believe it. I was so convinced that I could make my will be God’s will, that I attempted to ignore anything God tried to talk to me about and took His “wait” as meaning “no.” On the night of December 16, 2008, I reasoned, “If God should call me to be single, could I do it? Perhaps He would choose to never let me marry. The thought troubled my heart. I need to be prepared. I need to realize that Russell is not mine. He could just as easily marry another girl. After all, I am all the way in Holland. Everything would be against such a union….but God is greater than the unusual ways and oddest of circumstances, as I wrote in my post: God is able to do great things…to work a miracle in my life. It appears that ‘Mary’s Miracle’ was meant more for me than for anybody. I felt the Lord leading me to read Psalm 86. I guess the verse that impressed me the most was verse 11. ‘Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.’ THY way, not Hannah’s way. And THY truth, not Hannah’s truth. That is what I desire! I shut off the light and lay in the darkness silently praying and thinking. I asked God to speak to my heart. What did He want to say to me? A dozen verses ran through my mind. Verses all connected to each other. Psalm 27:11. Psalm 85:13. Psalm 84:11. Psalm 37:4-5. And then Luke 1:45. ‘And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord.’ And I felt in my soul ‘Be still, and know that I am God.’ ‘Be still, and know that I am God.’ And then I feel sleep.”
The battle continued. On December 17, 2008, I wrote, “I prayed on the bath rug in the bathroom and told God that I can’t afford to repeat 5 months of heartache again. What happened in the past cannot happen again! I can’t afford for Russell to be hurt. I can’t afford to be hurt. Our relationship with the Maynards can’t afford to be hurt. I know what is my heart’s desire, but is it God’s? And if it’s not God’s, then I don’t want it!!! I don’t want it!!! We can’t afford it! I begged the Lord to take away these feelings I have if they are not in His will. And I pleaded the blood over this situation.” As a result of Dad’s devotion that afternoon, I wrote a post called “Wrestling Before God.” (Read HERE) That is where I was: Wrestling before God! Almost wrestling with God.
On December 18, 2008, I was busy wrapping Christmas gifts and Mom was doing some business on her laptop. I could feel her eyes on me as I worked. Mom is no dummy! She knew exactly what was going on in my heart. She saw the struggle. She told me she knew about my feelings for Russell, and she wouldn’t pry, but she told me that she and Dad were always available if I needed to talk to them. I appreciated that and was almost relieved to know that she knew. Later that day Mom and I were having a brief chat. I made a comment to which Mom had some very simple advice: “Pray. He knows your heart.” I prayed for God to guard my heart; but I would not pray about Russell.
Lydia and I often have conversations at night in bed, like most sisters do who share a room. On one such night Lydia asked me if I liked Russell. I told her I could if it was God’s will. We often talked about the Maynards. On the night of December 20, 2008, I wrote, “For some reason, and I don’t know exactly why, God has put our families together. There is a reason. It’s not an accident. I believe this is God’s divine planning. Nothing happens by chance. Lydia and I talked briefly about this last night. I told her that God has put them [the Maynard family] in our lives for some purpose. I’m just trying not to guess what that may be. I don’t want to do the planning; God is in charge!!! God, don’t let my foolishness interrupt Your plans!!! (Proverbs 19:3)” That is what I believed, and that is what I often told Lydia when the subject came up. God brought the Maynard family into our lives at that time for a purpose. I would soon discover that purpose as the day of God’s answer drew nearer and nearer.
On December 27, 2008, after reading 1 Samuel 8 for my devotions, I silently prayed to God that my “wanter” might be wanting the right thing. I wrote the following in my journal (this is an example of one of the preaching sessions I had with myself): “Is your wanter wanting what God wants you to want? We can give others a reason to ‘want a king’ by not being right with God. (Samuel’s sons) Israel was looking at other nations and comparing themselves with them. They wanted a king…‘like all the nations.’ Israel was so absorbed in what everyone else had that they became discontented with what they already had. I thought about Joel [a friend who had just gotten married] and my feelings yesterday. I shouldn’t look at my married friends and envy them. To step beyond the boundaries of God’s will is enslavement. To be ‘stuck in the bubble’ is freedom! To want something other than what God wants for me is seen as rejection to God. And sometimes God gives us what we want, even if it is not His best. Scary!!! Terrifying thought! What kind of ‘king’ do you want? Is my wanter wanting God’s best, or Hannah’s best, which is second best?” My post “Worth the Wait” (Read HERE) was a product of those thoughts.
Mom and I were alone in the kitchen later that day (December 27, 2008) when she asked me point-blank if I was praying about Russell. At the time I had been praying for the Maynard family as a whole. I would not allow myself to pray specifically about Russell. I was afraid that by praying about it I would somehow convince myself that it was God’s will. I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t think it was wise. For that reason, I refused to pray about it. God used Mom that day. Who knows if I would have ever prayed about it had she not strongly urged me to talk to the Lord and get an answer…
~ Y ~
God’s Answer
Saturday, December 27, 2008: Our family said good night to each other, and I went upstairs to get ready for bed. As I was doing so, I thought about several verses that ended up landing me right in Psalm 84:11--my promise verse. I laid on my bed and read Psalm 84. I read Psalm 84:3 and thought on it. Sparrows. God was talking about a sparrow having a house and a nest to lay her young. Then I thought about how God said that we are of more worth than sparrows. If He would make a home for a little bird, wouldn’t He do it for me? I looked up verses about sparrows in the New Testament--Luke 12:6-7. Then I bowed my head into my covers and prayed. I thought I would give Mom’s advice a try. The words wouldn’t come. I guess I didn’t even want to admit my feelings verbally, even to the Lord. But, in a round about way, I did. I prayed that Russell would know God’s will, since he would be the pursuer, and would then go to his dad and pray, and then they would go to my dad and pray, and then come to me. Then I prayed that I would know. I made a very specific request. I asked the Lord to, (1.) in the next couple of days, give me a verse (2.) in my daily Bible reading, that would (3.) jump off the page and practically knock me over with its clarity. I wanted a yes or no. No maybe stuff. I didn’t want to get something started in my mind only to have it come to naught. I prayed and beseeched God’s face earnestly. Leaving it in His hands, I turned my light off and fell asleep instantly. I had cast the whole thing into God’s lap. It was totally up to Him now.
Sunday, December 28, 2008: I awoke out of a sound sleep at 4:30am. For a while I laid there thinking. Suddenly it dawned on me that God might have a purpose for me being awake. Perhaps He wanting to speak to me in the early morning hours. I wrapped myself in a blanket and went into Dad’s office to read my Bible. Having sat there for an hour-and-a-half, I was starting to get frustrated because nothing seemed to be ringing a bell. I didn’t mind being up so early, but then I wanted God to speak to me! I was about to give up when I read Isaiah 66:9. “Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the LORD: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God.” It seemed to me that the Lord was saying, “Do you think I have brought you this far only to desert you?” God was using my own words to prove something to me. All along I had been telling Lydia that the Lord brought the Maynards into our lives at such a time for a purpose. It was not mere chance or circumstance. Though I did not know exactly why, He had a plan. I wrote in my journal that day, “God has brought us to the ‘birth’ of something. He will show us His will. He will guide us.” I was satisfied. I went back to bed at 6:00am, feeling very tired.
Monday, December 29, 2008: It was a beautiful sunny morning…a day that would change my life forever. Laying tummy-down on my bed, I prayed God would speak to my heart and then began reading my Bible--1 Samuel 9. I was just reading, not really expecting to come across anything significant. Perhaps you remember that in 1 Samuel 9, Saul’s father’s donkeys ran away, and Saul’s father sent him out to find and bring them home. Saul went to Samuel the prophet and asked where he could find his father’s donkeys. This is where God started speaking to me (1 Samuel 9:22-24): “And Samuel took Saul and his servant, and brought them into the parlour, and made them sit in the chiefest place among them that were bidden, which were about thirty persons. And Samuel said unto the cook, Bring the portion which I gave thee, of which I said unto thee, Set it by thee. And the cook took up the shoulder, and that which was upon it, and set it before Saul. And Samuel said, Behold that which is left! set it before thee, and eat: for unto this time hath it been kept for thee since I said, I have invited the people. So Saul did eat with Samuel that day.” I read this passage, inwardly wondering if I had ever read it before. I knew I had to have read it, but I felt like I was reading something brand new! I was about to keep on reading down the page when I did a double take and stopped in utter bewilderment. It seemed to me that the words “Behold that which is left! set it before thee, and eat: for unto this time hath it been kept for thee” were standing five inches off the page of my Bible. I felt like I had just gotten knocked over the head. What did that say??? I backtracked, trying to get the context of what I was reading. “And Samuel said unto the cook, Bring the portion which I gave thee, of which I said unto thee, Set it by thee. And the cook took up the shoulder, and that which was upon it, and set it before Saul. And Samuel said, Behold that which is left! set it before thee, and eat: for unto this time hath it been kept for thee since I said, I have invited the people. So Saul did eat with Samuel that day.” It was talking about meat, but for some reason that was not what I was getting out of that passage. Immediately, a verse flashed through my mind. “I have reserved to myself seven thousand men, who have not bowed the knee to the image of Baal.” Romans 11:4. It was the verse God gave me on December 18, 2006, when I thought no godly guys existed. I looked up the verse and read it. I couldn’t help but notice the next verse (Romans 11:5): “Even so then at this present time also there is a remnant…” Several times I asked the Lord if I was understanding correctly. I did not want to misinterpret His Word. This was too strange. I was in shock. To me, the correlation between 1 Samuel 9:24 and Romans 11:4 was indisputable. They were both talking about the same thing--a portion of “meat”/remnant of people that were set aside and reserved for a specific time and purpose. I acknowledged that the Maynard boys were some of those 7,000--the very few who had not bowed the knee to the image of Baal. Unlike so many Christian young people, they had not succumbed to the world. A portion/remnant set aside and reserved “unto this time” and “at this present time.” There it was--time. Once again, as with Isaiah 66:9, it seemed that God was using my own words to prove something to me, because all along I had been telling Lydia that God brought the Maynards into our lives at such a time for a purpose. “Behold that which is left! set it before thee, and eat: for unto this time hath it been kept for thee.” Russell. All I could think about was Russell. I wrote in my journal: “Could it be that with this verse God is giving His stamp of approval that this is His will? I don’t know. I’m not sure. But I know that that verse practically jumped out at me. I was calmly reading, not trying to search for anything in particular, and that verse was just THERE! I couldn’t miss it.”
I continued reading. 1 Samuel 9:27, “And as they were going down to the end of the city, Samuel said to Saul, Bid the servant pass on before us, (and he passed on,) but stand thou still a while, that I may shew thee the word of God.” In chapter 10, Samuel anointed Saul king of Israel. Then he foretold a series of events that would occur that day, which would confirm to Saul that he would be king. 1 Samuel 10:7, “And let it be, when these signs are come unto thee, that thou do as occasion serve thee; for God is with thee.” Saul got a sign. I, too, felt that I needed something that would confirm to me that this was truly God’s will. So I prayed and told the Lord that I would take the mutual agreement of Bro. Buddy, Mrs. Chrissy, Dad, Mom, Russell, and me as a sign that this was His will. If God wanted us to have a relationship, we would have to all be in agreement. In a multitude of counselors there is safety. “And let it be, when these signs are come unto thee, that thou do as occasion serve thee; for God is with thee. (verse 8) And thou shalt go down before me to Gilgal; and, behold, I will come down unto thee, to offer burnt offerings, and to sacrifice sacrifices of peace offerings: seven days shalt thou tarry, till I come to thee, and shew thee what thou shalt do.” I wrote in my journal: “When the time is right…I will know. We will know. I am to wait. And trust.” At the time, I did not understand the last part of 1 Samuel 10:8. Now I do. Each one of those seven days would represent one month. I still had to wait seven months. “Seven days shalt thou tarry, till I come to thee, and shew thee what thou shalt do.”
~ Y ~
The Bible
How good the Lord is! Saul received a sign that very same day that God was going to fulfill His word. I received a sign as well. Soon after my dad met my mom he gave her a Bible. As little girl, I thought that was the sweetest thing and always wished my future husband would give me a Bible. Can you guess what arrived in the mail on the morning of December 29, 2008--the very day God told me “yes”? A Christmas Bible from Russell. Up until the moment I received that Bible I did not even remember that I had wished to be given a Bible from my future husband. And then, at that very moment, God brought that long-forgotten desire to my mind…when it was His timing. I received my first Bible--a pink leather-bound KJV--from my parents in December 1995, our first Christmas in Holland. After 13 years of use, its pages were tattered, tear-stained, and the binding was once again falling apart after having been glued together. It was the Maynards’ idea to buy us all a Bible for Christmas, and Russell gave me mine. A dream fulfilled--I would have my godly American young man; a wish come true--I had received a Bible from my future husband.
That night Mom sent me upstairs to get the laundry from the dryer. It had been quite a day. Earlier, Mrs. Chris had chatted with Lydia and me about her health problems. I felt burdened about that and about my own thoughts and feelings. I was in shock as I considered what it seemed God had told me that morning. I could hardly believe it was true. With a million thoughts running through my mind, I walked up the narrow staircase to the third floor of our house. I got to the dryer, opened the door, and sat down. Staring into the round opening at the laundry, but not really even seeing it, I began to reach in and pull the clean laundry out into my skirt. I stopped. Mid action, with my arms in the dryer and feeling the warmth of the clean laundry, I cried and cried and prayed. The burden in my heart for the suffering of those I love was too great. I prayed about that…and about my own feelings. I wanted God’s will. I wanted Him! Tilting my head back, I lifted my eyes to peer out at the twinkling stars through the skylight window above me. They sparkled and danced in the sky. And then I saw my own reflection in the glass. I couldn’t help but notice how tiny and vulnerable I appeared against the vast blackness of the heavens. I was awestruck by this thought: The stars look so far away to me, and I am just as far away from them. So small and insignificant in the scheme of things, yet God takes notice of me. An overwhelming sense of gratitude washed over me, and I thanked the Lord. That was one day that will stay with me forever.
~ Y ~
Secrecy
The next few days, after the initial shock wore off, I struggled. I had no doubt of the meaning of the verses God gave me, but I had other doubts. This is what I wrote in my journal the following day, December 30, 2008: “I’m not sure if I’m reading that verse from yesterday right. Dad says to read the context, but doesn’t God speak other ways? Some things are symbolic, and situations are different. I don’t know.”
December 31, 2008: “On the way to church I looked at the verse God gave me--1 Samuel 9:24. I’ve been wanting to ask Dad about it. Finally I worked up the courage to ask Dad if God speaks through His Word out of context. He said yes, he believes God does…just as long as it doesn’t contradict it. I sorta explained my situation…that I wasn’t looking for anything, and then a verse jumped out at me. If I showed it to somebody and told them what I got out of it, they would laugh at me. The verse is symbolic of something; it has nothing to do with what the verse is talking about. Dad said I should pray about it and ask God to give me confirmation, which I am doing. When we got to church, Mom quietly said to me that the offer stands if I need to talk to her and Dad. I told her I know. When I’m ready I’ll talk. Right now I just need to wait and keep this between God and me.”
And that is exactly what I did. I had a precious secret, and I told no one of it. During the next few weeks I would often sneak away to my room and just stare at 1 Samuel 9:24 in my Bible. No, I had not been imagining it. Though not as powerful to me as it had been the first time, it still said what I thought it did. Russell was my future husband. God’s answer was “yes.” One might have observed a smile playing on my lips as I went about the house doing my daily chores. I had a secret--a precious treasure to hold in my heart. I was content…content indeed.
We had reached the close of 2008. A new year was dawning. I prayed 2009 in and wrote in my journal: “I’m excited about 2009! I know God has good things in store. Exceeding abundantly above all that I could ask or think!!!” Written by faith, I would soon discover how true that was! We joined in on the New Year’s service at Truth Baptist Church. As usual, we were having problems with the Internet connection. Russell kept trying to make it work. A Maynard never quits, and he was going to WILL it to work! (chuckle) At one point somebody asked what time it was for us. Russell told them the time--it was either too late at night or too early in the morning--none of us were sure which it was. Then, laughing, he turned his attention back to us and said we were crazy to be up. I teased Russell that he’d better know I love all of them, because I wouldn’t have sacrificed my sleep for anybody else (it was a crazy hour to be up). Russell gave me a slow, measured smile and responded to me. There was a look of seriousness in his eyes that I had never detected previously. I think I might have flushed. I smiled back and felt my heart swell with joy and a new something that I couldn’t describe. I wrote in my journal: “I’ve never felt those overwhelming emotions…so strong…as I did then. It’s getting harder… I wish…how I wish Russell could ever find it in his heart… But he couldn’t. Unless God…put it there…” What I didn’t realize at that point is that Russell knew God’s will, and I knew God’s will, but neither one of us knew that the other knew.
Over the next weeks the Lord continued to speak to me. I believed Russell was God’s will for me, but I still had no confirmation other than the verses I kept reading daily as the Lord talked to me. The message was always the same. Wait. Trust. Have Faith. Wait. I had asked for a sign. Russell’s parents, my parents, Russell, and me--all six of us--had to be in agreement that our relationship was the Lord’s will. So far I did not know anything about Russell’s feelings or what his parents would even think of the match. I did not know anything. All I understood was that I was totally dependent on God. During the next months, Abigail Miller’s “I Believe To See” (from Psalm 27:13, which happens to be my favorite Psalm) would become a song very near and dear to my heart. By faith, I believed to see the goodness of the Lord.
The date was January 17, 2009--another day that would change my entire outlook on the future. I wrote in my journal that morning: “Lord, if it would be in Your will, I could see myself marrying Russell Maynard. God, help me to be patient.” I still had no proof. God hadn’t given me the sign. But that was about to change. It was Saturday--our day to talk with the Maynard boys. As usual, we had a pleasant conversation. At one point we were discussing Clay’s education and asking whether or not the boys would leave home to go to college. Bro. Buddy was in the kitchen and interjected with a firm, “Never happening!” Then he said that the boys are going from “this home” to “their own home with their little wifey.” The four of us--Russell, Clay, Lydia and I--were very, very quiet all of a sudden, as an uncomfortable tension filled the air. I quietly said, “Good.” And then, thankfully, we moved on to a different topic of conversation.
After we got off with the boys, Lydia and I discussed and analyzed that odd situation as we made a before-bed snack. Suddenly Dad asked to talk to me in his office. Oh boy! In our house that is rarely a positive thing. You want to go into Dad’s office of your own accord, not because you were summoned there. Mom also came into the room, and I joked “What did I do now?” Dad closed the door and teased that it would be the last time. The three of us sat down in the office. It was quiet for a bit. Then Dad hesitantly asked, “Do you like Russell Maynard?” I wasn’t going to beat around the bush, so I honestly said, “Yes.” Then it was quiet. I added, “I like him, but I could like him a lot more.” Dad knew what I meant. He started talking. At first I thought he was just going to say that we were having too much contact. Then suddenly the conversation took a different turn, and I knew where he was going. It wasn’t to scold me. This was serious. This was about Russell and me and our future together. My blood ran cold. All at once I felt cold and hot at the same time, and I felt tears threatening and I felt choked. I wanted to believe that it was true, and at the same time I refused to believe that I was really hearing what I was hearing. Dad told me that Russell was praying about me. He had been praying about me for a long time. Russell and Bro. Buddy had both been praying. About me! Russell was interested in me! I was overwhelmed. Suddenly all the things that had made me wonder if Russell was thinking something made a ton of sense. Everything made sense! My parents continued talking, explaining some things to me. They told me that, at 19, Russell was still too young to court a girl, and Bro. Buddy didn’t believe it was time yet. They were working on things. My parents encouraged me to continue harassing Russell and keep him guessing. The Maynards did not want to know what I thought about Russell. They believed God would work it all out, but they did not want to know my thoughts or feelings. I was to hide them. At this point my parents, especially my dad, were not positive that it was God’s will. I half-teasingly, half-seriously told them that if something should become of it, I had been praying too, and I had something to share with them. My heart was overjoyed; I knew God gave me 1 Samuel 9:24, and I believed it! This was another step in the right direction--Bro. Buddy and Russell had approached Dad about me. They were open to the possibility of Russell and me being God’s will. Another part of the plan was unfolding. This was my sign. That a handsome, godly young man like Russell Maynard should even consider me…well, it was just like the Lord. It was only the Lord, because I certainly did not know what he saw in me. I wrote in my journal that night: “I am perfectly happy and content. I wait on God. Truly, my soul waited for the living God!”
The next few days were a blur of absolute shock and exceeding joy. I slowly got used to the idea, and then fears arose in my mind. I was aware of the possibility that something more than friendship could develop out of our relationship with the Maynard boys, but I hadn’t wanted it to happen so quickly. I wanted us to just stay friends. Knowing that there were mutual feelings on both sides made it harder. I turned 21 on January 21, 2009. Russell did an excellent job of hiding his feelings, to the point that he overcompensated and I was often hurt by the fact that he almost ignored me at times. I reasoned that if I did not know my parents weren’t lying to me, I would have thought Russell was totally indifferent towards me. Also, as the weeks passed and we heard nothing, I questioned why it would take Bro. Buddy and Russell so long to be sure of God’s will. I didn’t realize that Russell knew it was God’s will. I felt frustrated. Frustrated with Russell. Frustrated with the Lord for being so slow. I just wanted to know! I was getting tired of waiting. How much longer? During the next several months, I struggled between my human doubts and fears and the faith that God knew what He was doing. The Lord spoke to me constantly in His Word. 90% of God’s will is timing. I had to wait.
~ Y ~
Changes
My parents and I went out for fries on February 5, 2009, and I shared with them what God had told me regarding Russell. I believe it was toward the end of that month and the beginning of March that Mrs. Chris realized I liked Russell. We both cared about each other, and it was getting harder to hide as situations came up. After a series of events involving DD’s (deep ditches = Proverbs 23:27--“For a whore is a deep ditch; and a strange woman is a narrow pit.”) who came out of the woodwork and were hunting Russell, I sort of lost my cool. Here I was all the way across the ocean, watching brazen “Christian” girls make moves on my future husband, and I couldn’t do a thing about it, because everything was supposed to be kept a secret. I wanted to tell these girls, “He’s mine. Leave him alone!” To put it bluntly, I was sick of waiting and tired of “playing the game.” Mrs. Chris understood my protectiveness over Russell as caring about him, which it was. What must have puzzled Russell is that I was angry with him for being so handsome that he had girls after him, on top of being annoyed with him for not being able to show the feelings that I knew were present. Yes, I am a girl. Don’t try to understand the way I think, feel, or respond! (chuckle) It was also during this time that my health took another turn for the worse. Try as he might, Russell could not hide the concern in his eyes when he saw that I was sick. I knew he was worried about me...but how I wished he could show it! But, he was not permitted to. It was not the right time yet.
Meanwhile, I continued to battle with my doubts and fears for the future and to keep my emotions in check, which was getting increasingly difficult. “I Believe To See” (Read HERE) was a post written in January, revealing my personal struggle. It was also during this time that I wrote a post entitled, “The Gift,” (Read HERE) which was symbolic of what God had told me on the morning of December 29, 2008. The father in the story represented God, I was the girl, and the gift was Russell, my “Matthew”--my gift of God. The story gives a very accurate description of how I felt during those long months of waiting, secrecy, and change. (But it was worth it! Let me tell you, this girl sure did get her gift from God!!! When I recently told Russell about the meaning behind that story he flipped out. He had no idea.) Russell, too, was having an extremely hard time containing his emotions. It was like torture. We had good Bible studies together, during which we discussed our Bible reading, etc. We were actually reading through the major prophets at the same time. Words like “waiting” often came up--I wonder why? (sheepish grin) The undercurrent during these spiritual talks was unmistakable. Things were changing. I had known since January that Russell was praying about me, but Russell didn’t figure out that I knew God’s will regarding him until several months later. By April it was pretty evident, though still underneath the surface, that there was mutual interest. I wrote a poem called “Worth the Wait” on April 8, 2009. May and June came and went. Russell and I were best friends…and waiting to be more. Psalm 27:13-14 became our verse, and “I Believe To See” (Abigail Miller) became our song--a promise that God would carry us through our long waiting period and bring us to the place of seeing the goodness of the Lord.
Russell turned 20 on June 21, 2009. Something I’ve always thought was rather interesting is that my name for my future husband, “Matthew,” and Russell’s name both have 7 letters, and the 3rd and 4th letters are doubles. For that matter, Russell’s and my name both have doubles right smack in the middle. Russell & Hannah. (Don’t they look cute together?) Our birthdays are both on the 21st day of months that start with a ‘J.’ Russell’s birthday is June 21st and mine is January 21st. I am exactly one year and 5 months older than him, which is something he doesn’t believe I will ever let him forget. (chuckle) Mom teases me that I “robbed the cradle,” and I tease Russell that I got him at a “young and impressionable age.” (giggle) Our fathers having reached the decision that age 20 was an appropriate age to start a relationship (one was legally an adult at age 20 in the Bible), I was waiting for Russell to “grow up” so he could ask to court me.
~ Y ~
Brought to the Birth
If you know me, then you also know that I don’t enjoy being kept in the dark. Obviously I had no clue when Russell was planning to ask to court me. Just for fun, I would imagine I had his plans all figured out and then tell them to my mom. She didn’t know what was going on--well, not until about 3 weeks beforehand--so I couldn’t pry any info out of her. Knowing that an upcoming trip to Panama City, FL, was planned for the fall, I decided Russell was probably waiting to ask me then. Though I knew he was turning 20 soon, I didn’t figure the Maynards would think it proper to ask immediately. I didn’t realize that Bro. Buddy was as anxious as the rest of us to get the ball rolling. Unbeknownst to me, Russell had contacted my dad the day after he turned 20, on June 22, 2009, and asked if he could court me. Dad, of course, gave Russell his permission, and Russell asked if he could ask me over the telephone. Bro. Buddy later informed us that Russell made a nice path in the what-used-to-be grass as he paced back and forth in the front yard. With plans in the making, Dad told Russell to wait until…well, until… We’re getting there!
Monday, July 13, 2009: Mom suggested that we have the Kamps over for dinner the next day and then asked if I would call and ask Mrs. Kamps if they would come over. There was nothing strange about that. I didn’t realize at the time that something was about to happen, and I was the “victim” of a big secret scheme. Our usual shopping day is Tuesday, but with us having company, Mom wanted to get food the day before so we would have time to prepare. This being the case, Dad drove Mom and Lyd into town to get groceries. Meanwhile, I stayed home and did a major overhaul in the house, cleaning and organizing both my bedroom and the living room/kitchen. At one point while I was working, Josiah came downstairs and asked if it didn’t seem like a whole lot of work just to have the Kamps over. I responded that it had to be done anyway, and we might as well have a good reason. Josiah was satisfied with my answer; I was clueless! And he was right! I was extra excited about having the Kamps over. Even though we live so close, our ministries keep us very busy. It seemed like it had been a while since we had had a nice visit with them. The house was looking great! We were ready for our company!
That evening after dinner, Dad, Lyd, and Joe went on a bike ride with the Kamps. I was feeling very tired after we ate, and I figured we would see them the next day, so I didn’t go along. I had contacted Russell earlier that morning and told him we would have to talk that day instead of our usual “talking day” (Tuesday), because we were having company the next day. Russell said that was fine but then came back later on and told me that he couldn’t talk because he had a bunch of “ministry errands” to run. However, I did notice that he stayed online on skype the whole time that he was supposedly running errands. I tried not to feel annoyed with him. The rest of the family got home. It was nearing 9:00pm when I got a craving for something with lemon flavoring. I decided to make scones. When I mentioned to Lydia that I was making scones, she started pressing the issue about making them for the Kamps for dessert the next day. She kept pushing it and pushing it, specifying that we should make scones for the Kamps, and I was thinking, What is your issue??? I told her I was making them for me (selfish me that I am) and then concluded that scones are not dessert after a grilled lamb and potato salad dinner--they are breakfast food. In between baking, I chatted briefly with Clay. Then Russell took over and teased me about how he loves scones. He had to go suddenly, telling me, “Sorry! I have to run! I am going out with Dad!” What I assumed was a short trip into town was, in reality, a flight across the ocean--a surprise visit!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009: Another day that would change my life. Our family has been doing a cleanse. It’s oxygen treatments using 35% food-grade hydrogen peroxide. Every morning at the crack of dawn, Dad brings us our HP--nasty tasting stuff! Yuck! It’s a long story, but one has to have a strict eating schedule when doing this cleanse. My body’s clock knows when it is time to wake up and drink that gross stuff. Well, that morning I woke up at 6:00am sharp and knew Dad was late with my HP. I laid there for a while, praying and thinking, and then dosed off again. Suddenly I was awakened by the noise of shuffling feet around my bed. Then my shade was being opened and the lamp on my nightstand was being turned on. I groaned and wondered what I had done to deserve this torture. It wasn’t my birthday. Why was everyone in my room? I just wanted to sleep. Rolling over, I clicked my light off and put my head back on my pillow. This must be a dream…or nightmare, rather. I heard giggling, and then the light was back on. I groaned again. Dad was giving me my HP. Actually, it was just water, because I couldn’t be sick on this special day. I drank some and then Dad began, “I don’t know how to tell you this, but since you’re sleeping in a beautiful princess bed, we are going to tell you right now that your prince charming is on his way here and is flying over,” and then Mom finished off, “This morning!” As all this info slowly registered in my foggy brain, my eyes got bigger and bigger as I realized Russell was coming to Holland. “WHAT??? Why?” was my shocked reaction. Mom’s emphatic response was, “To see you, because Russell is tired of waiting, just like you are!”
I had about three hours to get ready before Russell and Bro. Buddy would arrive at the airport, and as I did so, the only thing I could say was, “This is crazy! I can’t believe this is real! This is crazy!” I was in amazement and not sure if I should be excited, upset, or afraid. I guess I was a little of all three. Russell was going to turn and run the other way as soon as he saw me. I was just sure of it! We got to the airport and waited at the gate. Every time the doors opened and someone walked out, my heart leaped and then fell. Do that for a while and, my, talk about emotional exhaustion! I felt sick from nerves as the minutes ticked by, feeling like hours. Dad had left us at the gate and went to a nearby place where one could see the luggage area from behind glass. He saw Russell and Bro. Buddy and excitedly called us over. The minute I laid eyes on Russell every knot in my stomach vanished and my heart stopped beating wildly. I felt perfectly calm. Russell saw us and waved. His eyes met mine, and my heart swelled with joy. It was wonderful to see him. Last time he had just been a friend. Now he was more than that! I had dreamed that this day might come. Now it was here!
After driving home from the airport, Russell and Bro. Buddy settled on the couch, and Bro. Buddy immediately got a glass of that long-coveted Dutch goat milk. I think he should get a goat and an IV hookup. (chuckle) Though it was very early in the morning for them, we did a skype call with Mrs. Chris, Clay, and Aaron in Florida. They, especially the boys, seemed very much awake, as if they were eagerly anticipating something. We all sat around and talked. It was less than an hour after they walked in our front door, when Russell got up and went into the bathroom. He was making a ton of noise. With my back turned to the hallway/bathroom, I tried to ignore it. Suddenly Russell entered the living room and sat on the arm of the couch, right next to the stool I was sitting on. In his hands he held a bear, dressed like a prince, that was holding a silk pillow with a glass shoe on it. In the glass shoe was the most beautiful ring I had ever laid eyes on--a heart-shaped garnet with two small diamonds on either side, set on a perfect-width gold band. I was stunned. That was the last thing I was expecting. Russell acted like the bear had something to say to me. Then he said the bear was a little tongue-tied at the moment, so he would do the talking. Russell told me that he asked my dad if he could court me, and now he was asking me. I said yes! Knowing that at some point Russell was going to ask to court me, I had thought up some playful remarks I could make. Something like--“It’s about time you asked!” Russell’s question came as such a surprise to me that every sassy comment I had thought up instantly vanished from my mind. I was so caught off guard. I think he planned it that way on purpose. (chuckle) He handed the bear to me, and I slipped the ring on my finger. Everyone took turns admiring it. Could I possibly be more happy?
We all sat for a long time and talked. That is when Bro. Buddy told us they saw our 2004 prayer card and Mrs. Chris said to him and to her boys that Lydia and I had good countenances. That is when God planted the first idea. During that conversation I also discovered that Bro. Buddy had called Dad while we were on furlough in 2006 and asked if he could book a meeting with my Dad. It was not God’s timing yet, and the whole thing fell through. We exchanged brief versions of our stories, and that is when Bro. Buddy asked us why we call him Abraham’s servant. That was easy! Abraham would not have Isaac, his son, take a wife of the daughters of the Canaanites, so he sent his servant to a faraway land to choose a wife for his son of his own people. God set Abraham’s servant in the way and led him to Rebekah. In a similar way, God (representing Abraham) would not have Russell, His son, marry a loose, worldly “Christian” girl (the daughters of the Canaanites), so God sent Bro. Buddy (Abraham’s servant) to a faraway land to choose a wife for his son of his own people (Christians with the same standards and mind-set). God set Bro. Buddy (Abraham’s servant) in the way and led him to the Huussen household, where he met Russell’s “Rebekah” (me!).
On April 17, 2009, I wrote the following poem in commemoration of the day Bro. Buddy “happened” to stop by our house on his way home after a missions trip in the Congo.
Today marks a year since my life so wonderfully changed.
Something beyond human comprehension God had divinely arranged.
A missions trip, a flight delay; in our home we sheltered a godly man.
Unbeknownst to all of us, we were casually carrying out God’s plan.
Funny, how things so naturally fall into place
When people choose God’s will to embrace.
For no amount of scheming on my part
Could have brought about the joy I know in my heart.
Providence, not merely “chance,” would lead God’s servant to our door,
And bring to pass a promise the Lord had given me three years before.
That no good thing will God from the upright withhold,
And to those who wait upon Him He entrusts treasures untold.
The fellowship we all enjoyed was sent from Heaven above.
Who would have thought that short time would bind us together in love?
That 4-day visit was the birth of something brand new.
A friendship between two families slowly blossomed and it grew.
Several months passed and new plans were in the making.
Another trip to Holland the whole family would be taking.
The Lord was in this visit, too, as He had been in the first.
Our souls were refreshed by the fellowship for which we all did thirst.
After 13 long years of loneliness, kindred spirits we finally found.
And this close-knit relationship has continued to thrive and abound.
The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, had it all so perfectly planned.
And now, as I look back on this year, in silent wonderment I stand.
This is what I find amazing. The first verse God gave me when I started praying about Russell was Isaiah 66:9--“Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the LORD: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God.” On October 14, 2008, the Maynards came to visit our family. God’s plan was “conceived” during that week. Exactly nine months later, on July 14, 2009, Russell asked to court me. That which was “conceived” during the Maynard’s week-long visit was “brought to the birth” exactly 9 months later when Russell’s and my courtship was “born.” The Lord brought Isaiah 66:9 to pass!
At the time that I wrote that poem (above), I did not realize that exactly two years from the day “Abraham’s servant” arrived at our door (April 17, 2008), “Rebekah” would be leaving her country, home, and family to marry her “Isaac” on April 17, 2010. Yes, April 17, 2010, is Russell’s and my wedding date!
~ Y ~
Summary
When standing on a mountain peak, gazing back over the dark valleys, raging rivers, and the steep mountains, the traveler of those weary paths suddenly sees the reason why God allowed the things He allowed. For though at times it seemed God was so far away, all along He was leading, though I did not always comprehend His plan. As a young girl the Lord put a desire in my heart to marry a godly American young man. On May 12, 2005, the Lord gave me a promise that He would fulfill my heart’s desire. For reasons I don’t understand God allowed me to be tested when a counterfeit came into my life shortly thereafter. By God’s grace, I escaped the trap Satan had set and safely passed through that storm and raging sea. 2007 was a year of emotional healing and spiritual growth for me, as the Lord comforted my soul, leading me through lush green pastures. Meanwhile, Russell struggled with God and eventually got the victory in an area through which I had just passed. Then we were ready for Bro. Buddy, “Abraham’s servant,” to arrive in April 2008, a visit which would bring about an October visit with the entire Maynard family. Life went on, and unbeknownst to some of us, God was doing a work behind the scenes. December was the month of significant struggle as I fought my feelings for Russell and sought God’s will for the future. Two days after I finally prayed about Russell, God’s answer came in 1 Samuel 9:24 and 10:7-8. Russell’s Christmas Bible arrived that same day--another desire of my heart fulfilled. Then followed several months of secrecy, as we waited for God’s timing, during which many changes took place. On July 14, 2009, Russell’s and my courtship was brought to the birth. Another love story that was written in Heaven by the Master Matchmaker has been “published” on earth. Those characters who were so graciously given a role in God’s plan stand in awe. All praise and glory is attributed to the Author of this love story! May I encourage you…let God write your love story!
Worth the Wait
I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be forever.
My faith in this promise Satan’s doubts n’er can sever.
Nothing can be taken from it nor anything put to it.
From the very beginning of time, God determined He would do it.
And to think I would have settled for second best.
On the brink of ruin I stood unknowingly at the crest.
Caught like a bird in the fowler’s cruel snare,
Until God so graciously made me aware.
The blinding storm He calmed for me,
Revealing the danger I could not see.
What He showed me made me quiver.
How I praise God that He did deliver!
Never again did I want that thing repeated.
My faith in men was just about depleted.
I was stunned, for it all seemed so totally unreal.
It took a long time for my broken heart to heal.
The Lord continued to hold and make me strong.
’Til I reached the point of forgiving the wrong.
My bitterness disappeared without so much as a trace.
With a song in my heart, I went on by God’s grace.
Then I saw old friends I used to know all moving on in life.
I watched with a sad longing, for I, too, wished to be a wife.
But living in the bubble I refused to resent.
Because true godliness is always to be content.
In the promises of God’s Word I found my rest.
I waited and waited and prayed to be blessed.
And the Lord was indeed creating something new.
Now I see all along He was faithful and true.
But first God had to teach me to wait and to trust,
That with my impatience He would never be rushed.
I had to learn to delight myself in the Lord.
Only then would His gift become my reward.
Now I feel such a calm and joy in my heart.
This unexplainable peace only God can impart.
It stems from the depths of my soul--this quiet knowing,
That something beautiful and precious the Lord is slowly growing.
The goodness of the Lord is what I believe to see,
For unto this time hath it been kept for me.
Not one promise He has given me can fail.
His will alone shall stand and prevail.
That which God doeth none can oppose.
Though Satan would rise up with all his foes,
And some would attempt to pose as a threat,
Trusting in God, I refuse to fret!
No good thing will God from the upright withhold.
To those who wait upon Him He gives treasures untold.
To the storehouse of His wealth He will open the door.
All this the Lord has done for me and more.
And I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be forever.
To fully grasp this promise will be my lifelong endeavor.
Nothing can be taken from His plan and nothing added to it.
That men should praise and bless His name, God determined He would do it.
Wait upon the Lord, wait on Him, I say.
And your heart will rejoice as mine one day.
Blessed is the man or woman who stands by the gate.
Receiving God’s best is always worth the wait!
Written by ~ Hannah L. Huussen
CHAPTERS:
Heart’s Desire
The Promise
The Counterfeit
Waiting
Abraham’s Servant
An October Visit
Life Goes On
A Significant Struggle
God’s Answer
The Bible
Secrecy
Changes
Brought to the Birth
Summary
8 comments:
That was very beautiful. <3
I can't believe I read that all in one night! :D
Excellent Hannah! Wonderfully written story. Though penned on earth for us to read by you, it was truly authored in heaven first by God. For these many reasons and more, we can never doubt God!!! Never!
Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Your brother in one way, and soon to be in another,
Clay
I hope many christian young ladies read this and choose to be content and wait on God like you and Russell both have. We are all so excited about your family coming. Looking forward to getting to know you in person, although I feel like I know you from your blogs.
God bless,
Russell's Aunt Tricia
"Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; and his greatness is unsearchable." (Ps. 145:3) Amen! Incredible! My mind is having trouble grasping just how mightily God has moved to bring you and Russell together. WOW! God's ways are absolutely perfect! We have no reason to doubt the LORD our God. He is fully able to provide. His promises are everlasting. We must be faithful and obedient to Him or we'll miss out on the greatest blessings God wants to give us. How good is His favor!
This quote has been on my heart and mind and will not soon depart: "God is too wise to make a mistake, too loving to be unkind, and too faithful to disappoint."
Thank you, dear sister, for pouring out your heart and giving me some of the most best encouragement and rebuke I've ever received. I so much appreciate your faithful godly testimony for our Lord and the wisdom you have shared. May our Father continue to bless and perfectly guide you and Russell.
Love and prayers,
Naomi
P.S. You a few days prior asked for my opinion of your "book" after I read it. You were born to be a writer, Hannah! I would have trouble keeping such a massive amount of information logically ordered. =) Keep up the amazing work!
Wow - what a wonderful testimony to God's amazing providence!
Reading through this was such a blessing, it is clear how God has truly answered your parent's, Russell's and your prayers. I cried and laughed by turns as I read this and I continue to Praise the Lord for His will being worked in your life.
Your sister in Christ,
Vanessa
I've printed this out and will be reading it. I don't think it will be wise to sit here all this while with my children runnin round :) I know it will be absolutely wonderful. Lord bless you.
Ms. Elsie
Hi Hannah,
I must admit that I couldn't read all of it now. It is so LONG! haha... But of course I knew a lot of it already. Although it was nice to read about what went on in your heart during the last years. Somethings I didn't know about. I'll do the same as ms. Elsie and print it all out to read it on a quiet moment.
I think it's great that you were able to write it all down for others to be encouraged and yourself too maybe, if you will read it again some time in the future.
BTW, I wouldn't be surprised if the Lord would want to use you as a writer of Christian books. If so, I am sure you will not neglect that gift. Because 1. You want to do Gods will and 2. (hopefully) you want to bless people with your talent. Anyway, you may not want to forget that talent isn't everything, but that you mainly need commitment. But talent of course gives it (whatever it is that you are doing) that extra something that the good meaning folks with only commitment lack.
Hey, I just thought of this. I haven't read the end of your story, but your love story has only begun! I hope very many years full of love (if the Lord tarries) still lie ahead for Russell and you and that your love story will shine with even more glory!
Mischa
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