WHEW…

Well…the days are flying by. Wedding garments and flowers are becoming complete and looking lovely, and packing has begun. My room is looking so bare I can hardly stand to call it my own, for it was once such a cute and cozy place. Now all my things are either packed away or are already in Florida. So much has been going on. I don’t know where to begin.

The devil is fighting as hard as ever. For some reason he just despises this wedding. It feels to me as though the gates of hell have opened up and unleashed all its demonic forces. With so much stress I feel like the devil is literally riding on my back. Casting my cares on the Lord has taken on a whole new meaning, because the load which I have to continually relinquish before His feet is a crushingly large one indeed.

It is customary in our house that at least one item of major importance dies just before we make a trip. In the past it has always been either the washer or dryer that has given up the ghost (don’t ask me how many we have gone through--it’s ridiculous). Before our October trip it was my dad’s waterbed that sprung a leak on the Sunday morning prior to our departure. So far during this time of preparation it is my laptop that has decided to be a problem; it died on my several days ago. BUT, praise the Lord anyway.

PLEASE lift our family before the throne of grace. I am more keenly aware at this moment than I have ever been before how much Satan despises me, my family, Russell’s and my union in marriage, and the joining of our two families. Everything seems to be against it. The long distance relationship has made frustration, misconception, and miscommunication a very common problem. I do not recommend long distance relationships of this sort unless it is absolutely certain to be God’s will. As Lamentations 3:22 says, “It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.” Dad preached on that last Sunday. I am continually reminded that it is the Lord who is the glue, and it is He who binds us together. How very dependent we all are on Him!

Besides a lot of physical stress I have been very burdened emotionally. In many ways I feel the insecurity and vulnerability of having the rug ripped out from under me. I’ll soon be leaving everything familiar to embrace everything unfamiliar. Life as it used to be and as I have always known it is on the brink of irreversible change. How is it possible to be so happy to be getting married and yet so very sad to be leaving the land, home, church, adopted family and friends I have come to love so dearly these 14 years? I am thrilled that I will soon be Russell’s wife; I couldn’t live without him and don’t know how I ever did. But my heart is terribly sad, because I will never again be a little girl in my father’s house. Something inside me is dying, and at the same time something else is trying to be born. In this light, it is no wonder then that I feel sick to my stomach as so many conflicting emotions that vary so greatly from one moment to the next overwhelm me. I sympathize with the little ship that is thrashed to and fro as furious billows crash against its hull on the stormy surface of a vast ocean. I am that little ship. As of now, it is only by faith that I trust the Great Captain will lead me safely to my desired port. Lord willing, by March 31st I will have arrived at my new home.

Well, that is a brief update on my family and life’s happenings.