Another one of my childhood friends is now married and has made a home for herself and her new husband. I’m very happy for her. At the same time I feel a twinge of…jealousy. The happiness of life has found another girl younger than myself, and I am--dare I say it?--left behind…again.
Growing up on the lonely, isolated mission field of Holland, I’ve never really had friends my age. They have always been much older or much younger. The kids I was once so close to have forgotten--and understandably so. They have their own lives, their own priorities, their own friends, their own little worlds. The distance of many miles has slowly gnawed away at relationships that were once strong. People change.
Now I stand by, watching as my former playmates and classmates--friends and family--grow up. They graduate; they go off to college and meet new friends; they are courted and get married; they have homes…homes of their own. But I am here, always the same, forever trapped in this bubble of time which seems never to bring any change. As I observe the lives of other young people around me, I wonder… Is life passing me by? Will the happiness I see others enjoying come my way? Has God forgotten about a young, insignificant girl in the country of Holland?
Reading the Love Comes Softly series, I find that Belinda and I have much in common. I can relate to her, but sometimes I think I can relate a little too well. Something inside me stirs in silent acknowledgement…an undesired understanding. Belinda feels left behind as her best friends leave, get married, and start families of their own. It seems that big things are happening to everyone else, and she wonders if life is passing her by.
I sometimes find myself feeling this way too…not often, just sometimes. I don’t like it. I want to be content with things as they are, and I am for the most part, but sometimes I find myself looking at others my age and wishing myself in their place. Is that wrong? I guess…maybe, since the Bible says we are supposed to be content with such things as we have.
I know God has everything under control, but I sometimes wonder… Why? Why them? What about me? Am I as lost to God’s mind as I am to everyone else’s? He says that His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts than my thoughts. I guess I have to take it by faith that He has a plan for my life, even though I can’t see it right now. Sometimes it’s hard…hard to wait. Hard to have patience. Hard to trust. But, that’s all I can do. All things work together for good to them that love God. He knows what’s best, and I think I’ll just trust Him.
Whoso trusteth in the LORD, happy is he. Proverbs 16:20
Reading my evening devotion last night, the passage seemed written just for me.
Say ye to the righteous, that it shall be well with him. Isaiah 3:10
“It is well with the righteous ALWAYS…When no time is mentioned, all time is included. God’s “shalls” must be understood always in their largest sense. From the beginning of the year to the end of the year, from the first gathering of evening shadows until the day-star shines, in all conditions and under all circumstances, it shall be well with the righteous. It is so well with him that we could not imagine it to be better…It is well with the righteous--well upon divine authority; the mouth of God speaks the comforting assurance. O, beloved, if God declared that all is well, ten thousand devils may declare it to be ill, but we laugh them all to scorn. Blessed be God for a faith which enables us to believe God when the creatures contradict Him. It is, says the Word, at all times well with thee, thou righteous one; then, beloved, if thou canst not see it, let God’s word stand thee instead of sight; yea, believe it on divine authority more confidently than if thine eyes and thy feelings told it to thee. Whom God blesses is blest indeed, and what His lip declares is truth most sure and steadfast.”
Morning & Evening, C. H. Spurgeon, evening passage on April 14
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