Triumphs and Tribulations

The last two days have been a time of spiritual wins and losses.

The church service was good on Sunday. Lydia and I were in the nursery with the kids--Daniel, Nathan, Jamie, and Elona. I played planes with Daniel, which he absolutely loved. He’s so cute. In toddler talk he asked me to read him a little picture book. It was funny to watch Daniel trying to reach for the ball on the page and then pretending to throw it. Then when I showed him the ice cream cone he wanted to hold the book. He began licking the page, I guess hoping it would taste like a cold treat. What a disappointment to find it was only stale-tasting cardboard. I quickly took it away from him. Yuck! The babies were fun to hold. Once the two little ones were settled down and eating their crackers, I wrote down my memory verses on the whiteboard; I enjoyed that. I love memorizing Scripture!

On Sunday afternoon Dad was able to contact a member of our congregation who left several months ago without any explanation. Her reasons for leaving were exactly what we thought they were--relating to a situation we’ve been dealing with for several months now. Dad was able to explain some things to her, and it looks like she will be coming back to church. Praise God!

Then we also received a call from Mischa during the afternoon about another woman who left the church unofficially. Mischa was able to explain some things to her, so hopefully she will be back as well.

Later, on Sunday evening, Mom and Dad left to visit one of our ladies who wasn’t in church. While they were gone my friend Shelby called very distraught about Pauline, who has been acting peculiar. For those of you who have read about Pauline, we’re not sure at this point if she really got saved, or only “put on Jesus” along with all her other former religious beliefs. It hurt me to hear Shelby crying about the burden she feels for her friend, but it also did me good. It’s a good sign that she’s concerned about others. I have no doubt that Shelby is truly saved; her zeal to share the gospel and her love for the brethren proves that. I’m proud of her. I also know how she felt as she cried; being a pastor’s daughter, seeing people come into the church and stay and grow and then leave…well, I know that keen disappointment when somebody you love chooses not to serve God. Little did I know I would soon be experience those feelings afresh…
Shelby and I were able to talk for a while and encouraged each other. I love Shelby! We made tentative plans for a sleepover on the 24th of this month, which Mom and Dad approved when they got home later on. That should be fun!!! Last time the three of us girls talked for hours about the Bible and Christianity. It was such a blessing!

Well, those were our triumphs. God certainly did some great things! Now for the tribulations…

As I said earlier, Mom and Dad left to visit one of our ladies who wasn’t in church. We’re concerned about her, because it seems like she’s slowly been slipping away. It’s the usual pattern, and only too familiar. Soul winning is the first to go, then Wednesday night services, and finally Sunday morning (we don’t have an evening service). It’s the slow progression to spiritual lifelessness. I can’t go into details, but Mom and Dad were at least able to speak with one of the boys, even though they were told that the person they really had wanted to speak with “wasn’t home.” Whether that was true or not we aren’t sure. I just pray the firm but loving words spoken by Dad would somehow have an impact. Deep in my heart I have this sick feeling that I am about to lose another one of my dear friends--a lady we started our church with. Her husband, my dad’s former right-hand man, is gone; her daughter is gone. If only the two boys can be spared from ruination! The very groundwork of our church has slowly crumbled to virtually nothing; if our foundation was built on anyone but Jesus Christ this church would be no more. People are so unreliable.

Feeling about to explode with pent-up emotions, I headed up to my room and spent time in prayer and sobbing out my heart to God, pleading for these precious people. So many folks in our church are going through tough times, between marriage problems, family problems, financial problems, relationship problems, health problems, children whose hearts refuse to yield to Christ and be saved, lack of faithfulness to church and backsliding, spiritual coldness, outright displays of rebellion, whispering backbiters…worthless fathers who leave their families, and mothers burdened down with the weight of being mother and father, and children who are growing up in the Devil’s Playground. What chance do they have in this spiritual graveyard? Who will be the next generation of Dutch Christians when they succumb to the world, the flesh, and the devil one by one? What ever happened to commitment?

“Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth: for the LORD hath spoken, I have nourished and brought up children, and they have rebelled against me. The ox knoweth his owner, and the ass his master's crib: but Israel doth not know, my people doth not consider. Ah sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, a seed of evildoers, children that are corrupters: they have forsaken the LORD, they have provoked the Holy One of Israel unto anger, they are gone away backward. Why should ye be stricken any more? ye will revolt more and more: the whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint.”
Isaiah 1:2-5

The last few months have been very difficult. Sometimes I feel crushed under the weight of these burdens. I feel a burning anger mixed with the deepest sorrow; the combination is overwhelming. Why won’t people just obey? Is it so hard to ask? How can they not see the danger they are practically begging for when they turn their backs on God and live worse than the heathen? I can’t explain the frustration of seeing them choose for the wrong when all I wish for them is God’s very best. We have put so much effort into these people. We have left our homes and families and country to serve them!!! We’re not here because we chose this life! Is it so hard to ask them to serve God? I think missionaries must understand, at least in part, how Jesus felt; we have left our earthly home as He left His heavenly home to give His all for those who would reject Him…those whose sins would nail Him to an old rugged cross. It’s like Paul said--the more I love, the less I be loved. The sadness that overwhelms my heart could make me literally sick at times. I know part of my health problems are due to the stress of the ministry. There is a fine line between being sick with sadness, and feeling the sorrow I ought to feel about such situations, and then leaving it all at God’s throne in prayer.

“From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah.”
Psalm 61:1-4

I thought our trials were over until yesterday evening when Dad returned from a meeting with his two deacons, and we receive the shocking news that one of them is leaving the church. It’s a long story. At the moment the I feel…numb. One thought keeps going through my mind--“Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted…hath lifted up his heel against me.” You’d think that after 9 years of working together there would be some small speck of faithfulness…love…devotion…respect. But it has all been broken…along with my heart. How are the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle!

“I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.” Psalm 27:13-14

Though my spirit is cast down, I will go in the strength of the Lord my God. As each Weak-heart falters from serving the Saviour, my resolve to do what they have not only grows stronger and more firm. Let others faint in the day of adversity, but I WILL serve the Lord. I WILL do right no matter what. I WILL delight myself in the Lord. I WILL bless my God, even in the face of such heart rendering trials. I WILL take courage, for God is my rock and my fortress, my high tower, my light and my salvation. In God we shall do valiantly!!! Through His power we shall prevail!!!

“My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give praise.” Psalm 57:7

Please pray for our family and our church if you think to. So many are already weak right now. With every loved brother and sister who leaves the church I detect a weakening of “the things that remain.” It takes its toll on the people.

“Finally, brethren, pray for us, that the word of the Lord may have free course, and be glorified, even as it is with you: And that we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men: for all men have not faith. But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil.” 2 Thessalonians 3:1-3

Thanks for listening to my heart.