Have You Died?

Several months ago my dad preached a message on the subject of dying--dying to self. Suffice it to say that it was excellent. That message really got me thinking about things. At the time my health had also taken another turn for the worse and I honestly had been considering what might happen if I died…physically died. I tried to prepare myself emotionally. It’s hard to put into words exactly how I was feeling. As I passed through what seemed like the valley of the shadow of death, I was literally in mourning as my dreams died within me. Based on the preaching, combined with my own thoughts and feelings, I had started a post but never finished it. Around that same time the Lord gave me part of a poem. This afternoon I sat down and looked at the little bit of progress I had made on it. Feeling no particular inspiration of my own, I asked the Lord to inspire me and sat there waiting. This poem is the result of that request. I hope the Lord speaks to your heart as He did to mine. =) 

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Have You Died?

I was once so miserable and forlorn,
I once even wished I’d never been born.
Living for Me was the thing I’d always wanted.
One day by my Self I would soon be haunted.

I thought I could do it all in my own strength,
Stubbornly holding God just at arm’s length,
Lashing out at people who only tried to care,
Vainly trying to hide my inward despair.

Bitterness and anger slowly eating me away,
To the disease of self-love I had fallen prey.
Licking my wounds and holding a grudge,
Yet, in my willful ways I continued to trudge.

Walking in circles, with no end in sight,
I had lost track of all that was right.
Blinded by Satan, caught in his trap;
On the edge of sanity, I was about to snap.

And then in my grief I remembered the Lord!
My soul’s long agony to Him was outpoured.
For my sin I felt regret and such shame,
And confessed that I was solely to blame.

Thus, from my prison and self-inflicted sentence
I was released when I turned in godly repentance.
I had it all backwards, for now I can see
That while living for Me I was never truly free.

I chose to live, and in living I died.
I thought peace came from being satisfied.
Fake happiness, artificial hope, empty promise is all I found,
But now I know true riches in Christ alone abound!

Oh, my heart overflows with such wonderful joy!
’Tis something my enemy has no pow’r to destroy.
The source is my Lord, and in Him it’s no surprise.
Shall I tell you the secret wherein my joy lies?

It began with the complete surrender of my will.
For only then could God begin to fulfill
The plans and dreams that He had in mind.
But my death certificate had to be signed.

I had to die before I could live;
The Lord had to take before He could give.
Was I willing to sacrifice my “Isaac” on the altar?
The ultimate test of my character--would I falter?

Would I be willing to offer my best
And trust God to faithfully provide the rest?
Could I consent to my own execution
And believe God could send the ram of substitution?

As Abraham, the great patriarch of old,
Whose account of faith in Hebrews 11 is told,
Would I trust God to raise, even from the dead,
The one in whose promise the future was said?

To cling to my own life would be to disobey.
So I let go and I let God take it all away.
Into His hands I committed my dreams, my desires,
Leaving the choice to Him in whom my love aspires.

I chose to die, and in dying I LIVE!
To the chains of Self no longer a captive.
Free in Jesus Christ, oh, so free indeed!
This is why my joy human knowledge doth exceed.

That men should fear before the Lord,
All that’s Self must be deplored.
Sin and pride must be denied.
I wonder, Christian, have you died?


Written by:
The Lord and His little “pen” ~
Hannah L. Huussen