Friendship

One of the greatest gifts God gave to mankind is friends--the ability to make friends and have friendships. Let’s see what the Bible has to say about friends!

~ Your Friends Tell On You
“Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.”
1 Corinthians 15:33

“Birds of a feather flock together.” Perhaps you’ve heard that statement before. It pretty much means that people who generally have the same interests and goals in life are drawn to each other because they have common ground on which to base a relationship. Their mutual interests inspire them to get to know each other better and discover what else they have in common. More often than not, this means that people of the same age groups will “hang out” with each other. I have many friends of varying ages, sizes, and races, etc. I’m thankful for the good friends God has given me.

You know, I believe that truly being mature means you can socialize with people younger and older than you and also those who are your same age. I’ve often observed that young people today seem to have a great time with friends their age, but carrying on a conversation with an adult is something they cannot do. This is not what I would consider being well-rounded or socially developed. It’s a good thing I often don’t say what I think (I write it instead. Ha!), because I could go on and on when I hear folks talking about how their young children have to go to daycare so they can learn how to behave socially. Funny that in this day and age when children are forced to attend schools for their “social devolvement” we have some of the most socially deprived children (and adults!!!) in all of history. Yes, they do go to daycare to learn. They learn how to hit and spit and bite and selfishly fight over toys that aren’t even theirs. I have a problem with daycares, etc., etc. Children were meant to be raised by their parents where they could receive loving correction and be under the supervision and attentive eyes of their mother and father.

We sometimes baby-sit our neighbor lady’s young children. The reason for this is because the girl that our neighbor lady has come over to help with the children has to be told what to do. She has been “professionally trained” to deal with kids, but she doesn’t even know what she’s doing. Our neighbor finds this frustrating. If she plans to leave her children for a few hours, she wants to know they are in capable hands. I think I shocked our neighbor lady when she commented on my ability to care for her children and then asked if I had had professional training. My reply was no. As far as the world is concerned, I know absolutely nothing about children because I didn’t take a course in child care. Once again, something that should simply be instinct to a woman has to be taught…but we are “evolving” to be better humans. Can’t you tell? Okay, I’m way off on a rabbit trail. This is a whole different subject…

As I was saying, I think it is quite humorous that certain people think my siblings and I are socially inept simply because we can carry on an adult conversation in all seriousness, we can laugh and joke with friends our age, and at the same time we can care for, play with, and appreciate young children and babies. For most of my life adults and young children have been my friends. In recently months God has given me some friends my age. I was happy with the way things were before, but now I am getting the wonderful taste of what it’s like to have friends my own age. We are all in the ministry and have grown up serving the Lord, so we understand each other very well. The bond we have is amazing! This bond could never exist if we didn’t have the Lord as our mutual Friend. He is the One who binds us together. He is our common ground.

A wise man once said, “Show me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are.” Our friends “tell on us.” They reveal to others who we really are and often influence who we become. Our friends, those we choose to associate with, tell more about us than we could ever tell about ourselves. People judge us by our friends. If we have good friends, people will naturally assume that we are good…trying to be good, anyway. (Ha!) If we have bad friends, people will assume that we are bad. Why is this? Because everyone knows that friends make or break a person. As they say, birds of a feather flock together. We will be drawn to those who are of the same spirit. “As in water face answereth to face, so the heart of man to man.” (Proverbs 27:19) The heart of man answers to the heart of a man who has similar desires and interests. Our friends will either build us up or tear us down. They leave an indelible imprint on our lives. We need to be careful which friends we choose!

~ Friends are Friendly
“A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly.”
Proverbs 18:24

How does one make friends? First off, we see that if somebody wants to have friends, they have to be friendly. Friendly means that we show or express a liking, goodwill, or trust in those we wish to have as friends. Friends invest time in each other. It takes time to get to know and trust a friend. A person who wants friends has to be willing to put time and energy into making that relationship happen. It doesn’t seem very hard to be friendly at the start of a relationship, because we have a starry-eyed vision of who we imagine our friends to be. But as we get to know each other better, we begin to notice the flaws of our friends, and that’s when we need to show ourselves friendly. We see the flaws of our friends, and they see ours as well. Often when we are in a bad mood we tend to take out our frustrations on our friends…those we love the most and are closest to. It’s human to do this, but that doesn’t make it right. We know that our friends love us and will put up with a whole lot from us, and that’s why we can blow up in front of them and feel free to do and say nasty things that hurt them. Just because we have friends it doesn’t give us the right to abuse them. It is possible to lose friends if they feel mistreated. We need to remember to control ourselves. A person that hath (or already has) friends must show himself friendly. Why would the Bible put it that way? Because once we have attained friends, we need to keep them. We need to keep being friendly. As friends get to know one another more intimately, the “facade” comes off, and we start seeing that behind that smile and all the laughter and lightheartedness are very real cares and concerns and the frustrations of every-day life. It is especially at these times of trial or a strain in the relationship that we need to keep that same sweetness that was there at the start of the relationship. We need to devise ways to make and keep the relationship smooth. If you’re naturally a funny person, tease a little. But keep in mind that there is a time to tease and there is a time to be serious. Be sensitive to the feelings of your friend. That is the key: knowing when to and when not to!

~ Friends Always Love
“A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
Proverbs 17:17

A friend loves at all times. A good and faithful friend will love you and stick by you through the easy times and the hard times. A good friend is always there…always available for you. A true friend loves you when you are unlovable, cares about you when you are uncaring, comforts you when you are sad, and laughs with you when you are glad. What affects you affects your friend, and what affects your friend affects you. Their problems become your problems; their concerns become your concerns. This is love! A friend loves at all times. That doesn’t mean he/she always has to like you… I have to say that I always love my friends--like my siblings, for example--but I don’t always like them. I could never stop loving them, but sometimes they annoy me, and then I don’t like them for a little while. But regardless of occasional negative feelings, true friends always love regardless of hurt feelings or anger or annoyance! A friend always loves.

~ Friends Care
“Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle.”
1 Samuel 18:3-4

David and Jonathan were the best of friends. We see in this verse that Jonathan’s love for David caused him to give. He proved his loving care for David by giving selflessly to his friend. We see by this example that friends prove their love not solely with words and covenants, like the one David and Jonathan made, but with deeds...with kind gestures. One thing that is so fun about having friends is being cared about. It is only natural to like knowing that your friends care, and you, in return, want to do your very best to show them that you care as well. It’s just a known fact. When you have friends, you enjoy getting attention from them. Attention can be shown in a variety of ways. How can we show our friends that we care? By giving them gifts that you know they will like, or going with them to places you know they will enjoy, or just listening to them when they talk…giving them your undivided attention. When a person talks, they like to know that they are being listened to! We can show our friends that we care without having to spend a single red cent! One way we can do that is by getting involved. If your friends have a task to do, do it with them. Have you ever noticed that a drudgery can be a joy when doing it with a friend? True friends are always looking for little ways to show their love and admiration for their friends. A simple note of encouragement! Friends delight in making the heart of their friend glad. They find pleasure in pleasing the other person. This is a selfless love. This is the kind of love needed when building any kind of relationship. True friends show they care by how attentive they are to the emotional and physical needs of their friends. If they see that something is lacking, they go to someone they can trust and express their concern for their friend and then work on remedying the problem. Friends look out for the better interest of the other person.

~ Friends Defend
“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
John 15:13

Friends don’t accuse or join those who would intentionally cause hurt. A friend stands up for a friend. A friend defends a friend. Are you willing to defend your friends no matter the cost? It’s a good thing to stand up for those you love. I often marvel at how protective my little sister is over me. It seems to me that it’s the responsibility of the older sibling to defend their younger siblings--which is what I would do should there ever be a need--but I have often wondered at the protectiveness of my little sister and brother for me. I think it is a precious thing! Friends defend each other from those who would say mean things or do anything that would hurt the other. “To him that is afflicted pity should be shewed from his friend.” (Job 6:14) Friends are willing to risk even their lives to save those they love. The true love of a friend defends.

~ Friends Pray
“And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.”
Job 42:10

You know what friends do? Friends pray for each other. They defend each other in prayer from the onslaughts of the devil. When you love someone, you pray for them. It’s just that simple. And when we know we need to love someone and we don’t, prayer will quickly solve that problem. The Lord does something special when we pray for those who are unlovely to us. God gives us His love! This is an interesting verse. God healed Job of his sickness and gave him back double his wealth….when? When he prayed for his friends. As you probably know, Job’s friends were anything but loving and kind to him. They accused him falsely at a time when he needed comfort and encouragement. Job’s friends did not deserve Job’s prayers, but he prayed for them regardless of that fact.
I worry about people who don’t pray for each other. It bothers me when people don’t seem to know my name when they greet me. Not because I think I’m special, but when we’ve known each other for however many years and they still can’t get my name straight, well, it really makes me wonder if they ever pray for me. I believe people should use each other’s names. A person’s name is special to them. Be personal! Friends use each other’s names. When I pray for my friends, I lift up their individual names before the Lord, and I to pray in detail for each person and the needs I know they have. We bond with our friends in unbelievable ways during our prayer time. One of my greatest pleasures is bringing the names of my precious friends before the Lord! Do you pray for your friends? Do you pray for them by name, in detail, as you would wish them to pray for you?

~ Friends Don’t Gossip
“A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.”
Proverbs 16:28

You know what I’ve noticed? When I’m praying for people, I can’t gossip about them. It is beyond me to say something nasty about someone I am praying for. And that means something. Gossipers aren’t praying, which means they aren’t right with God, which means, the result of their prayerlessness--gossiping--is wrong and wicked!!! A whisperer, or gossiper, separates the best of friends. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” That is one of the dumbest statements I’ve ever heard! Names DO hurt. And talking behind the backs of our friends will do damage, possibly even irreparable damage, to a relationship. True friends don’t gossip!

~ Friends Forget Failure
“He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.”
Proverbs 17:9

This point should really be a part of the one above about gossip. Our friends usually know us pretty well. They may find out things about us that we would wish they didn’t know. Embarrassing things. We may do or say things that hurt our friends, etc. (I will leave for instances to the imagination.) Friends don’t gossip about the secret and known flaws of their friends. Instead of upbraiding the offender and continually throwing it in that person’s face or spreading the news around to others, a true friend will cover a transgression, thus proving sincere love for that friend. Once the offence is forgiven, and the problem has been dealt with, a true friend will cover it. It is a thing of the past, forgiven and forever forgotten. Friends don’t hold grudges and bitterness in their hearts. Friends forgive and then forget.

~ Friends Keep their Word
“Whoso boasteth himself of a false gift is like clouds and wind without rain.”
Proverbs 25:14

One of the most important foundations in any relationship is trust. Your friends need to know they can trust you…that they can count on you to keep your word. If you say you’re going to do something, do it!!! If you promise something, people are expecting you to carry it out. When we see heavy clouds, we expect rain; when we are promised something, it isn’t too much to expect to see favorable results. Proverbs 20:6 says, “Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?” In other words, many people say things, but few are found faithful to their great swelling words. Don’t say you can do something if you can’t. It’s better to say “Sorry, I can’t do that,” than to say yes and then have to back out of it. I couldn’t think of anything worse than for people to say of me, “Oh, ______ said such-and-such….but don’t count on it. You know how she is…” Don’t let your words fall to the ground. Don’t give your friends good reason to mistrust you or second guess your words.

~ Friends are Honest
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”
Proverbs 27:6

Sometimes friends see things that others might not notice or dare to bring up. Instead of publicizing the personal failures of others and speaking in secretive whispers, true friends are honest with each other. The wounds of a friend are faithful. I think one reason why God gave us friends is to help set us straight. Nobody can speak to us as a friend can. Nobody has as much influence as a friend. We need to be open to hear the rebuke, or the “wounds,” of a friend. Often our friends observe things that we are oblivious to, whether there is an attitude problem or a problem with somebody else. Friends are approachable. A friend should feel free to give loving criticism, trusting that the friend they are attempting to help will see the love from which their rebuke stems. Psalm 141:5 says, “Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head.” I would rather be lovingly rebuked by a friend than receive the deceitful kisses of an enemy. “Kisses” could mean flattery. An enemy will flatter us into unimaginable trouble. Those words so sweet are like poisonous arrows. Give me rather the temporary wounds of a faithful friend, which will deliver me from disaster! Friends are ever honest and open and approachable and need not fear the anger of the friend they are trying to help.

~ Friends Strengthen
“Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”
Proverbs 27:17

Blessed indeed is the one whose friend “sharpens” him/her. “Sharpening the countenance,” like the faithful wounds spoken of in Proverbs 27:6, may be a slightly painful process. Our friends know our rough edges. They detect that which needs to be removed. Or it could mean this…As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend with serious conversations that cause thoughtful contemplation. Our friends should challenge us. Challenge us to do right, to love the Lord, to search the Scriptures. We should be able to build ourselves on our friends. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 points out the importance of a strengthening friend. “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” God wants us to have friends who will pull us up when we fall. “Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel.” (Proverbs 27:9) Friends mainly strengthen us with words and excellent speech…with good counsel and the shared Word of God. Joking and teasing are fine and well--there’s nothing wrong with lighthearted jesting--but it’s those deep spiritual conversations that really matter. “Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out.” (Proverbs 20:5) True friends draw out the counsel of their companions. They seek to be “sharpened” by the wisdom of a friend.

~ Friends are Humble
“Do this now, my son, and deliver thyself, when thou art come into the hand of thy friend; go, humble thyself, and make sure thy friend.”
Proverbs 6:3

Friends walk in humility with each other. Pride is the root of all contention. If ever there is strife between friends, it is because of stubborn pride. 1 Peter 5:5 says, “Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.” There is no surer way to ensure your relationship with a friend than to walk in humility. Know how to admit when you are wrong. Your friends will do nothing but respect you for it. This world has us thinking that the humble are weak and the proud are strong, but that is backwards. It is our wicked human flesh that tells us it is “weak” to admit failure. But, in truth, it is only the proud who are weak in the eyes of others. Proverbs 29:23 says, “A man's pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.” Humble yourself, and make sure your friend!

~ A Note to My Friends
I’d like to take a second to say thanks to all my friends who mean so much to me. Thanks for being friendly, for always loving me even when I’m unlovely. Thanks for putting up with me. Thanks for praying for me and forgetting my many failures. I’m glad for the honest, and yet loving rebukes I’ve received. They have strengthened me and kept me humble. I praise God for the wonderful display of His love in that He placed all of you in my life. God is good!
And now let me tell you about two other friends I have. One Friend you already know about. This whole blog is dedicated to Him. The other friend is one you don’t know yet. He is a friend I don’t even know yet! But this post wouldn’t be complete without mentioning both of them. So, here goes….

~ My Beloved, My Friend
“This is my beloved, and this is my friend.”
Song of Solomon 5:16

Song of Solomon is quite a different book from any other book in the Bible. It tells of the love of King Solomon and his bride. I’ve always thought this verse was so sweet. Solomon’s wife said of her husband, “His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend.” Her husband was her friend…her best friend. One day I’m going to marry my best friend! It may sound funny, but sometimes I find myself missing him. I miss his companionship. I miss caring about him. Worrying about him. Not worrying in a bad way, but just caring for him…seeing to it that I have done all I can do to make him happy and to please him. I believe God placed it in a girl’s heart to want to please her husband. It is instinct. In Genesis 3:16 God told the woman that her desire would be toward her husband. She would be subject unto him, and her desire would be to satisfy him…to help him fulfill his goals in life. You know, I believe we have an entirely warped idea of love today. Many young people marry for selfish reasons. They marry because it makes them feel good to be loved and cared about. They marry for their own pleasure. This is wrong! This is why we have so many broken marriages and destroyed homes today. People enter marriage with the wrong ideas. “Make me happy, and we will be happy. Do this for me, and we will be content.” A marriage based on selfish reasons is a marriage that won’t last long. I believe that before anybody can consider marriage, they must first realize what selfless love is. Selfless love is the love that Jesus had for us when He allowed Himself to be put to death for our sins. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. This is a sacrificial love. A love that lays aside all personal hope of gain and seeks only to please the other. A love that will do anything to ensure the health, happiness, and security of that person. A love that will comfort and help and hold and endure and endure and endure “until death do us part.” This is true love!

~ My Greatest and Best Friend
“…And there is a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”
Proverbs 18:24

God is the giver of all good friends. He Himself is a good friend. He is and should always be our very first and best friend. Micah 7:5 says, “Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom.” God gives friends, but our friends can only do so much for us, and then we need a higher source of strength on which to lean. Oftentimes, when I am setting my heart too much on my friends, God causes them to disappoint me. And then I go running back into His arms, and I feel the embrace I never should have left. When none of my friends could ever understand me, the Lord does. He knows my thoughts afar off and understands my feelings when I can’t express them. Sometimes words aren’t enough…But He knows. When I cry myself to sleep, Jesus is the One who comforts me in the darkness of night, when nobody else knows of my tears. He understand the deepest longings of my heart, and He knows all my needs before I even have a chance to present them to Him. He hears my prayers before they escape my lips and knows the thought before it has even formed in my mind. Jesus Christ, a friend that stays closer than a brother…than a sister…than a parent or friend or loved one. Closer than anybody in the world. One day, on an old rugged cross, Jesus proved that His love for me exceeded all human love as he hung and bled and died for me…for my sins. The sins that condemned me to Hell. He took my place on that tree, because of His love for my soul. John 15:13 says, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Jesus, the greatest and best friend anyone could ever hope to have, laid down His life at Calvary, and today He invites all those who desire Him to come and be saved. He said in John 15:14, “Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.” And His command it to repent of sin and trust Him for your soul’s salvation. I wonder…do you know my Friend?